Pitchers Wear Spikes, Right?

It was one thing to see Dave Van Dyck's tiny tear of joy shed in reporting the Cubbies' "fast start" (yeah, the 3-3 one) in Monday's paper. But DVD also throws in to the Kerry Wood support group, wherein all Tribune writers are required to get in line behind the most disappointing phenom in Chicago pitching history as he embarks on his quixotic quest to become, 10 years into his career, a closer.

Wood, you might recall, got off to a rough start this season, coughing up three runs in the 9th on Opening Day at The Shrine. It took a week, but we finally have the explanation for Wood's hacking fit, courtesy of DVD:

"The former starter, voted the NL Rookie of the Year a decade ago, is trying to reinvent himself after years of shoulder problems. His only failed test so far came on Opening Day, when the mound was slippery. But the three runs he allowed came in a tie game and he was spared the loss thanks to a three-run rally by his teammates."

Hey, give Dave credit for at least acknowledging Opening Day, which has otherwise has been erased from Tribune archives. Subtract points for the needless insertion of the ROY (yes Dave, we know that Kerry used to be good) and for wedging some, uh, creative writing into his journalistic output.

An output that tends to resemble, you guessed it, a coughing fit.

--Brett Ballantini