If He Cheated, and He Probably Did...and other baseball stories

While the steady diet of bias and misinformation wafting out of the Tribune Tower on behalf of its wheezing-its-way-into-oblivion newspaper is usually enough to keep things hopping here, occasionally attention must be shifted to the Tribune's all-Cubbies, all-the-time television network, WGN.

Now, there was no particular anniversary that drove the production of WGN's "All-Time Chicago Baseball Team," unless it was the unmentioned 102 years since the White Sox defeated the Cubbies in the World Series. But befitting a channel named for the "World's Greatest Newspaper," the program was an utter waste of time.

The program amounted to a poor man's version of the "Sportswriters on TV" show done so brilliantly by Bill Gleason, Ben Bentley, Rick Telander, and Bill Jauss. Unlike "Sportswriters," however, the program had no game footage or film of the players selected to the team. No Big Hurt wallbangers, no Sammy Sosa hops, and no Lou Piniella mock tirades. Hey, even Sportsvision ran game highlights during "Sportswriters," and that show's heyday was 25 years ago!

Here's the roster of Chicago's best:
Starters: Fergie Jenkins, Billy Pierce, Ed Walsh, Greg Maddux
Reliever: Bruce Sutter
C: Carlton Fisk
1B: Ernie Banks
2B: Ryne Sandberg
SS: Luis Aparicio
3B: Ron Santo
OF: Billy Williams, Sammy Sosa, Joe Jackson
DH: Frank Thomas
Manager: Al Lopez

Not altogether unreasonable, with a fair blend of White Sox (seven) and Cubbies (eight). The picks were made by baseball writers, broadcasters, historians, and former players both in Chicago and throughout the rest of the country.

But check out which voters were featured on the program's panel of "experts":

• Phil Rogers, Tribune "baseball expert," taking a brief break from sharpening his axe for White Sox GM Ken Williams
  
• Mike Downey, Tribune "sports columnist," master of the one-sentence paragraph
• Dave Van Dyck, Tribune baseball writer out of the bullpen, and the bitter boy of the bunch
  
• Dan McGrath, Tribune sports managing editor, the journalist charged with executing a campaign of bias and misinformation
• Rod Blagojevich, who has governed Illinois as well as the Cubbies have traditionally managed their baseball teams
• Mickey Morandini, former Cubbie who otherwise has no ties to the Chicago area
• Randy Hundley, former Cubbies catcher pretty directly responsible for the free agent monstrosity that was Cubbies catcher Todd Hundley
• Ron Kittle, former White Sox outfielder, feeling awfully lonely on a panel dominated by Tribune employees and Cubbies faithful
• Rich Lindberg, Chicago-area writer and White Sox historian

All presided over by another Tribune employee, Dan Roan.

The highlights, as it were, of the roundtable discussion:

Rich "Goose" Gossage, who started his career with and was transformed into a closer by the White Sox, was pictured in a Cubbies uniform. The newly-minted Hall-0f-Famer played five seasons for the White Sox, one for the Cubbies.

Dr. Phil, saying that Frank Thomas "had the yips about throwing his whole career." No mention of why Thomas had trouble throwing (the Big Hurt was a two-sport player at Auburn and suffered a serious right shoulder injury as a football tight end during his freshman season) or why there was a need to sully the All-Time Designated Hitter with talk of his defensive play.

Dr. Phil also made an extraordinary admission regarding Sammy Sosa: "if he cheated, and he probably did, he kept it hidden better than the others." Now there's a pick to be proud of. Interesting, however, considering the Tribune has been a staunch apologist for Sosa, with Rogers and Fred Mitchell serving as personal bodyguards to Hoppin' Sammy's legacy.

At second base, vanilla milkshake Ryne Sandberg was the obvious landslide winner to 2008 voters, but amazingly, four-season Cubbies veteran Rogers Hornsby finished second, with 21% of the vote. (How stacked did the Tribune feel it had to make the voters to get that absurd tally?) Finishing in third with 16%, 1959 American League MVP and 14-year White Sox second sacker Nellie Fox.

To make sure all viewers knew who was in charge, the Tribune dispatched Hit Man Hundley to admonish Kittle for, ahem, picking too many White Sox players for his All-Time Team. McGrath surely treated the Hit Man to a Tom Collins after that shot to Kitty's kneecap.

The two most misplaced baseball minds on the panel, Blago and Morandini (what, Ronnie Woo-Woo wasn't available?), both insisted that the best manager in Chicago baseball history was, double gulp, Lou Piniella!

And finally Lindberg, who actually was equipped to give an accurate assessment of Chicago's baseball history given he's a lifelong resident, fan, and historian, wasn't used much. Probably because he was the only one who knew what he was talking about. Or did the Tribune's henchmen out him by procuring a copy of Lindberg's first book, 1978's "Stuck on the Sox," before the taping?

--Mark Liptak and Brett Ballantini

...and the Flintstones

The next phase of the bizarre Fred Mitchell/Ernie Banks tag-team rehabilitation effort on behalf of Sammy Sosa continues Thursday in the Tribune. The dueling apologists' most glaring remarks begin with this gem from Fast Freddie:

"Although Sosa is the only major-league player to hit 60 or more homers in three seasons, his use of a corked bat, his early departure from Wrigley Field during the final game of the Cubs' disappointing 2004 season and other self-centered acts caused the same fans who once cheered his every move to turn on him."

Well, yeah, all those things and the fact that Sosa's head grew to twice its size, literally and figuratively, during those 60-home run seasons.

But it's not as if Fast Freddie doesn't acknowledge Sosa's dirty dance with those Flintstones vitamins:

"There also are unsubstantiated rumors of steroid use that have chipped away at Sosa's status."

Chased by more bizarre apologizing from Mr. Cub:

"It is unfortunate that it turned out that way," Banks said. "Sammy did a lot for the city and he did a lot for the game. There was not a celebration or a big ending to his career. He's just kind of walking away quietly and nobody is recognizing him."

There's something especially sad about the true heroes of baseball sympathizing with the cheaters. What's next, Hank Aaron lobbying for the Braves to sign Barry Bonds?

Finally, Fast Freddie draws an insipid parallel between the redemption of a generally admired figure who was tragically castigated in "Red Sox Nation" for a World Series error and Sosa, a known and proven cheater:

"There is precedent for fence-mending in baseball. Bill Buckner, a figure of scorn in New England since his costly error on Mookie Wilson's roller in Game 6 of the 1986 World Series, was invited back to Fenway Park for a ceremonial first pitch before Tuesday's home opener with Detroit, and Red Sox fans greeted him with a prolonged ovation."

Yep, the guy who poked out 2,715 career hits, many on one, non-Flintstones-aided leg, is a direct parallel to the fella whose lasting contribution to the game was the homer hop.

--Brett Ballantini