Another Way to Get Ripped Off at Wrigley

As we've documented many times, the Tribune often associates U.S. Cellular Field with crime, even though far more serious crimes occur at or near Tribune-owned Wrigley Field. The proof of their deceit is out now in the Tribune's own "Burglary Map" published this week in Redeye (click on the image for a larger view). The Armour Square neighborhood around U.S. Cellular Field falls into the map's most crime-free category, with less than 100 burglaries per year. Nearby Bridgeport falls into the second-most crime-free category, with less than 400. But Lakeview, home of The Shrine, stands out on the map in bright red with between 700 and 1,000 burglaries per year. Of course, the Tribune doesn't mention the ballparks in this report. That would be bad for business.

Were Redeye Your Doctor, You'd Be Dead

Writing sports blurbs for a dumbed-down yuppie tabloid can be so taxing when you have to keep track of two — count 'em, two — whole baseball teams. Redeye's review of April baseball today may be a case of that particular brand of bias known as sheer ignorance. Like, the writer was suddenly informed on deadline that there's another team in town and had to quickly write something about some outfit called the White Sox without actually knowing anything about them.

"What Went Wrong in April," according to the think tank over at Redeye:

The Brian Anderson experiment failed. The Sox were hoping Anderson could be an everyday center-fielder, but he lost the job to aging veteran Darin Erstad after batting .118 so far this season (2-for-17).

Wrong. Anderson never had the job this season and he failed to get the job back despite a promising spring. That's why he has only 17 at bats. Erstad had the center field job on Opening Day and, you'll recall, homered in his first at-bat. Right now Erstad has the highest batting average on the active roster. Some might consider center field improved, although we'd all like to see it get even better. More diagnostic insight from Redeye:

The bullpen. The Sox relievers have converted only 8-of-14 save opportunities, and have blown three.

Here's a profile of the Sox bullpen according to an April 30 story by Scott Merkin of MLB.com: "The White Sox bullpen finished the month tied for the AL lead in wins (six), ranked third in ERA (3.42) and fourth in strikeouts (68). In fact, Aardsma leads the Majors with 23 strikeouts in relief. This group has limited first batters faced to a .237 average and has allowed 27.8 percent of inherited runners to score. It's already a move upwards from a bullpen that finished 18-20 with a 4.53 ERA in 2006, compared to 24-19 with a 3.23 ERA in 2005."

Okay, then the geniuses at Redeye propose, "What Could Go Better in May":

It’s Luis Terrero to the rescue. The versatile outfielder was called up from Triple-A Charlotte on Tuesday to replace Anderson, who was sent to Charlotte after Sunday’s loss to the L.A. Angels. “I don’t know if it will help more than Brian,” White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen said about inserting Terrero in the lineup against Seattle. “But it gives us more flexibility in the outfield.”

Rest easy, Sox fans. It's Luis Terrero to the rescue! Forget about Jim Thome, Toby Hall, and Scott Podsednik returning to the roster. Don't even ponder more consistent hitting by Paul Konerko, Jermaine Dye, AJ Pierzynski, and Joe Crede. It's Luis Terrero we've been waiting for to rescue us from our championship drought of — how long has it been now? — one year.

Good thing we have Redeye to keep us in the loop.

Eternally Hip Redeye Declares Blogging 'Over'

We might as well pick up our marbles and go home.

Redeye, the Tribune edition for "young, urban professionals who are short on time and long on disposable income" (that preferred reader profile actually appears in Redeye's official mission statement), has informed said demographic that blogging has come to an end.

Of course, on the day blogging died, Redeye also ran a big promotion for its new CTA blog.

So we're not sure. Let's test the theory. Let's don our backwards Cubbie caps and pretend for a moment that we're Y.U.P.S.O.T.L.O.D.I.s living in a target market like, I don't know, Wrigleyville or Wicker Park. Would you rather hang with a Tribune employee who expresses his hipness by holding a Starbucks cup, or would you rather spend a long, slow afternoon at Cafe Bong swapping wit with a blogger like, say, City Wendy in the Windy City.

Hi Wendy.

Okay, now let's give the Cubbie caps back to the nervous sales clerks and return to being young ghetto sloths who are long on time, short on disposible income, residing somewhere in the terra incognita south of Roosevelt Road. Now who would we rather read, Starbucks Cup or Wendy?

It's looking sort of universal, isn't it? (We just got you a job offer from Redeye, Wendy. Blogs are so 2006, you might as well take it.)

We're betting this story came out of heated discussions in Redeye editorial meetings about the fizzling readership of Redeye's 13 bloggers. Even the guy with mussed hair and the eternally hip goatee in his mug shot isn't bringing in readers. Even the guy with bedroom eyes and the 5 o'clock shadow isn't luring the chicks back to that eternally hip crib, the Tribune Tower.

Or perhaps the story was mandated by the suits in the upper floors who shove cash at blogs with one fist while pounding the other fist on the podium at the annual conference of the Paleolithic Society of Newspaper Editors. Guys with green eyeshades and rolled up sleeves and blunt pencils in their pocket protectors, Cracker-Jack guys who still type ### at the end of stories they pound out on copy paper, guys who are immune from hip, guys who only ever tell the Absolute Eternal Trvth, guys like Charles Madigan, who once wrote, "Bibles of blogging are created based on nothing more than rumor."

Indeed. While newspapers traffic only in the verifiable. So it must be true: blogging is over. Long live blogging.

Tribune to Old and Poor: Get Lost

The mission statement for Redeye actually admits the paper is for young rich professionals. So if you're old or poor or working class, your eyes are unfit for their paper, apparently. Here is Redeye's official mission statement:

RedEye is Chicago's free daily newspaper that provides a concise and authentic take on news, sports, entertainment and social buzz. RedEye, an edition of the Chicago Tribune, has become the leading vehicle in Chicago for advertisers wanting to reach young, urban professionals who are short on time and long on disposable income.

This is a fine example of Tribune's celebrated "synergies" between advertising and editorial, which have been slammed by both the Columbia Journalism Review and the American Journalism Review for compromising journalistic integrity. No self-respecting journalist would write a mission statement that targets a specific advertising demographic, but then, Tribune journalism isn't really about self-respect, it's more about another kind of self-love. This kind:

The Joke's on You, Tribune

Last week's season premiere of American Idol helped us all feel superior by mocking mentally disabled, autistic, or obese people trying to sing while we all sat bravely in our armchairs. Redeye readers got to relive the thrill during next morning's commute with a back-page splash describing the performers as "a parade of oddballs" and featuring an enormous picture of performer Darwin Reedy.

Thanks for the recap, Tribune, but when we think of those who are deluded about their own talents while everyone else is appalled, it's hard not to think of Tribune itself.

At moments like this, it also becomes easy to imagine Rupert Murdoch, the broadcaster of American Idol, taking a chunk of Tribune. The "synergies" are already there.

Redeye isn't the problem. Redeye is just a window into Tribune's soul. Redeye, like baseball, provides an obvious handle on Tribune's preference for its chosen people — the young, urban professionals, typical of Wrigleyville, who are short on time and long on disposable income — and Tribune's bias against Chicago's poor, her old, the subcultures of the West Side and the South Side, the White Sox and their fans, anyone it can't sell as part of its idealized Chicago advertising demographic. Isn't that just the problem with you, Sox fans? Aren't you just a little too discriminating with your dollars? If you want to be a part of Tribune's Chicago, you'd better get shorter on time and longer on disposable income. And you'd better spend that time and income at Tribune-owned Wrigley Field.