Columnist or Hematophagic Opportunist?

Saturday was a low point for White Sox fans — almost as low as Sunday was for Cubs fans — which made it a particularly hard day for White Sox players and executives. So of course Tribune columnist Phil Rogers seized upon that moment to declare the White Sox "just another team." Phil's the kind of guy who waits until you're down before he runs out from where he's hiding to throw a kick. He's a real brave soldier once the enemy is badly wounded.

Once upon a time, this was a great town for columnists.

If Rogers really thinks the White Sox are mediocre, why did he wait for Saturday's particularly painful loss before he said so? This is the same columnist who almost admitted he was wrong earlier this season when the Sox off-season trades proved successful. Now, one ugly loss to the Cubs later, he's citing those same trades — which remain favorable to the White Sox — to criticize the team.

Rogers is always sniffing the wind for his moment, like the mosquito that's lurking on your bedroom ceiling, patiently anticipating lights out. He only starts to buzz when he catches a whiff of fresh blood. He's a half-hearted, part-time Mariotti.

Once upon a time, this was a great town for columnists.

And it's not enough to call the White Sox "just another team." Rogers lays a load of fictitious blame on the Tribune's favorite scapegoat, Ken Williams, the first executive in nine decades to bring this city a World Series championship.

Why does the Tribune hate Ken Williams so much? Maybe it's because Kenny's young, smart, successful, and he repeatedly foils the imaginary world Tribune is always portraying for its gullible readers, a world where everyone shuts up and drinks their Old Style, watches the CW, and sends their money upstream to the Tower, where the empty-hearted use it to stuff their shirts. It's a world that's safe for Tribune because in this happy happy world, everybody loves a loser.

Or maybe it's because Kenny represents the South Side, a culture the Tribune would just as soon forget, outside of the occasional murder story to reinforce the usual stereotypes (and keep the tourist dollar safely to the north).

Or maybe it's because in the last 25 years the Tribune has produced nothing but mediocre baseball — and ethically compromised journalism — while Ken Williams produced a champion. That might have something to do with it.

If Phil Rogers is looking for mediocrity, he doesn't have to leave the Tower. Which is too bad. Because once upon a time, this was a great town for columnists. Just ask Nelson Algren.

Tribune Wants Us to 'Rest Assured'

This is what we mean when we say mediocre: On Dec. 24, the day of a Bears game, the headline splashed across the top of the Sports section read, "Rest assured: Relaxing is wrong." As if there was a single soul in Chicago who thought the Bears should just kick back and let the Detroit Lions beat them on Sunday.

Beneath that headline were a couple more space-filling stories by two guys who've shown they have no more insight into sports than any bloke ranting on the El. Or anyone passed out underneath the El. We have David Haugh, who infamously declared, as the White Sox were passing the Cubs in popularity last year, that "the Cubs can still lay claim to being the most lovable baseball team in town." And we have Rick Morrissey, who called the trade of one Sox pitcher a "fire sale" and picked the last-place Cubs to win their division last year.

Dusty Baker got booted for sucking. Andy MacPhail resigned for MacPhailing. Why do these two lumps still get a paycheck?

And why do we need this daily newspaper with its voracious appetite for buying every other institution in Chicago, with its constant self-promotion and its Gothic tower of arrogance, if it's just going to tell us stuff we already know? If it's not going to offer us some real insight with our coffee in the morning. And if it's not even able to keep up with the Timeses. Can you think of another media empire of such rich resources that so consistently produces mediocrity? Or another major metropolis so burdened with mediocrity in its media?