Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Cutting back, as the Cubbies are preparing to do as they look toward the 2009 season, is hard. But while team GM Jim Hendry seems resolute and resigned to not chasing dubious players with Monopoly money this offseason, the change in philosophy is hitting Hendry's fellow Tribune Co. employee Phil Rogers a bit harder.

First, Dr. Phil was sure the Cubbies would re-sign single-season ace Ryan Dempster to a contract, below market if need be, during the team's exclusive negotiating period. The Tribune "baseball expert" apparently based his hunch on marshmallows and moonbeams, because every other sound baseball source--including those similarly tinged with Cubbie blue--were saying Dempster was aiming for five seasons and $75 million. (Yes, in major league baseball, one strong season as a starter can translate into $75 million.)

As recently as November 9, Rogers wrote that Dempster was so happy in Chicago that he might sign an extension with the Cubs before Thursday.

Today, Dr. Phil tries another tactic to ensure his apparent karaoke partner doesn't leave the North Side: bullying. In his story regarding the rapidly-diminishing demand for San Diego Padres ace Jake Peavy, Rogers says that the "onus" is now on Ryan Dempster to sign a deal with the Cubbies quickly. Huh? In his very story, Dr. Phil points out that no team, including the Cubbies, has made San Diego a fair offer for Peavy. Dr. Phil even quotes San Diego GM Kevin Towers as saying that at present, he'd tell Peavy and his agent that it's likely the ace will be suiting up for the Padres next season.

So Ryan Dempster, sez Dr. Phil, you might have all the leverage here, but I'm gonna put an onus on you!

But really, the best, er, most interesting writing from Dr. Phil this week came in his swan song sung to the Tribune's decade-long darling, Kerry Wood. Rogers has long apologized for Wood's failings and rarely failed to shield this elusive talent from criticism over the years. Now that the parent company has hung Wood out to dry by failing to give the 10-year veteran--who had signed a series of one-year deals to make up for the fact that he hadn't felt he earned his salary in previous contracts--a courtesy call in advance of trading for another closer, Rogers was busy applauding the deal as a "sound baseball move."

Nothing could beat Rogers' conclusion to his Wood elegy, however.

Wood wasn't just a pitcher. He was a guy. And he will be missed.

When the day comes for the Tribune to fire Rogers (or more likely, push him from the top of the Trib Tower attached to a golden parachute), here's hoping he's treated with the same dignity and class.

And on that day, we won't' be lauding Dr. Phil as a very good baseball writer, nor will we anticipate missing his special brand of hack work, under an "expert" tag line or not. We'll probably praise the "sound business decision."

And we won't forget to mention: He was a guy.

--Brett Ballantini

Quote of the Year

It's early, but we have a contender for quote of the year, courtesy of Cubbies beat writer Paul Sullivan, penning yet another of the already-tired Dusty-Baker-returns-to-Chicago stories.

In a hard-hitting piece that compares Dusty to current Cubbies manager Lou Piniella, Sully leads his story with:

Asked the difference between managers Lou Piniella and Dusty Baker, Kerry Wood said they're actually quite similar, pointing to their main character trait."They both hate to lose," he said.

So simple, it's classic.

--Brett Ballantini

Pitchers Wear Spikes, Right?

It was one thing to see Dave Van Dyck's tiny tear of joy shed in reporting the Cubbies' "fast start" (yeah, the 3-3 one) in Monday's paper. But DVD also throws in to the Kerry Wood support group, wherein all Tribune writers are required to get in line behind the most disappointing phenom in Chicago pitching history as he embarks on his quixotic quest to become, 10 years into his career, a closer.

Wood, you might recall, got off to a rough start this season, coughing up three runs in the 9th on Opening Day at The Shrine. It took a week, but we finally have the explanation for Wood's hacking fit, courtesy of DVD:

"The former starter, voted the NL Rookie of the Year a decade ago, is trying to reinvent himself after years of shoulder problems. His only failed test so far came on Opening Day, when the mound was slippery. But the three runs he allowed came in a tie game and he was spared the loss thanks to a three-run rally by his teammates."

Hey, give Dave credit for at least acknowledging Opening Day, which has otherwise has been erased from Tribune archives. Subtract points for the needless insertion of the ROY (yes Dave, we know that Kerry used to be good) and for wedging some, uh, creative writing into his journalistic output.

An output that tends to resemble, you guessed it, a coughing fit.

--Brett Ballantini

Perfection by Omission

Paul Sullivan practices a common Tribune tactic in his ebullient take on the finish to his north sider's second win of the season on Sunday. Call it "perfection by omission."

Sully breathlessly reports that closer-until-broken Kerry Wood was able to "pick up his second save in two tries with a perfect ninth inning."

Now, to the letter, Sully isn't fudging here. Wood, despite a 9.00 ERA and 1.33 WHIP, has not yet blown a save in two tries.

But there's an implication in the writing that Wood's been perfect this season, that 1-2-3 9ths are just another day at the office for him, the long-time Cub, first-time closer.

Heh, not exactly. It was a mere six days earlier that Wood debuted disastrously, handing the game to the Brewers in the 9th before receiving a complete, three-run bailout from Kosuke Fukodome in the bottom of the inning.

Sullivan was at that game too, right? Let's check. Yep, here you go: "But the day was a total downer for Carlos Zambrano, who remains winless in four Opening Day starts and left in the seventh inning with forearm cramps. And for Kerry Wood, who allowed three runs in the ninth in his debut as the Cubs' closer."

After Wood's implosion, visitors to ChicagoSports.com voted by a 74% landslide that Wood be replaced by the electric Carlos Marmol as the team's closer. Comcast SportsNet's you-scratch-my-back-I'll-scratch-yours Chicago Tribune Live, the talking head survey of all Chicago sports that just happens to star a panel of experts almost exclusively culled from the dank Tribune catacombs (the White Sox played on Comcast that day, but the Cubbies still managed to cut in line for coverage), was just as hysterical in its debate.

If the White Sox's Bobby Jenks had just completed his second save in two tries but badly misfired in his first outing of the year, is there any chance whatsoever that Tribune coverage merely would laud Jenks for the two-for-two and conveniently overlook the fact that he needed a barf bag to escape his outing in the opener?

You know the answer to that rhetorical question. Never. Ever.

Apparently Sully feels Kerry Wood's psyche is as fragile as all his reconditioned arm pieces. And that Chicago sports fans aren't smart enough to catch the insipid bias that seeps into every Tribune sports page.

--Brett Ballantini