Thursday, April 10, 2008

...and the Flintstones

The next phase of the bizarre Fred Mitchell/Ernie Banks tag-team rehabilitation effort on behalf of Sammy Sosa continues Thursday in the Tribune. The dueling apologists' most glaring remarks begin with this gem from Fast Freddie:

"Although Sosa is the only major-league player to hit 60 or more homers in three seasons, his use of a corked bat, his early departure from Wrigley Field during the final game of the Cubs' disappointing 2004 season and other self-centered acts caused the same fans who once cheered his every move to turn on him."

Well, yeah, all those things and the fact that Sosa's head grew to twice its size, literally and figuratively, during those 60-home run seasons.

But it's not as if Fast Freddie doesn't acknowledge Sosa's dirty dance with those Flintstones vitamins:

"There also are unsubstantiated rumors of steroid use that have chipped away at Sosa's status."

Chased by more bizarre apologizing from Mr. Cub:

"It is unfortunate that it turned out that way," Banks said. "Sammy did a lot for the city and he did a lot for the game. There was not a celebration or a big ending to his career. He's just kind of walking away quietly and nobody is recognizing him."

There's something especially sad about the true heroes of baseball sympathizing with the cheaters. What's next, Hank Aaron lobbying for the Braves to sign Barry Bonds?

Finally, Fast Freddie draws an insipid parallel between the redemption of a generally admired figure who was tragically castigated in "Red Sox Nation" for a World Series error and Sosa, a known and proven cheater:

"There is precedent for fence-mending in baseball. Bill Buckner, a figure of scorn in New England since his costly error on Mookie Wilson's roller in Game 6 of the 1986 World Series, was invited back to Fenway Park for a ceremonial first pitch before Tuesday's home opener with Detroit, and Red Sox fans greeted him with a prolonged ovation."

Yep, the guy who poked out 2,715 career hits, many on one, non-Flintstones-aided leg, is a direct parallel to the fella whose lasting contribution to the game was the homer hop.

--Brett Ballantini

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Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Take My Manager...Please

In today's edition, Fred Mitchell reports that White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen missed Joe Crede's eventual game-winning grand slam in the 7th inning because he was busy sending a message to major league baseball. Jeez, the guy gets the quick thumb from umpire Phil Cuzzi and he's off in the clubhouse, playing Sims, downloading reggaeton, and exchanging IMs with Bud Selig?

Whoops. Seems Fast Freddie was a little too quick to type the ### on this item. Let's turn to the master of the one-sentence paragraph, the Bright One's answer to Mike Downey, Rick Telander:

So where was Ozzie when Joe Crede launched a dramatic grand slam over the left-field fence in the seventh inning to give the Sox a come-from-behind 7-4 win over the visiting Minnesota Twins?

''On the computer,'' he said afterward. ''That's where I was, sending a text message to Major League Baseball.''

No, no, no.

He was just kidding.

''I was watching the game,'' he corrected. ''We have so many TVs in the clubhouse.''


(Apologies for the excessive one-sentence paragraphs. It's a Rick Telander space-eating thing, see.)

One thing's for sure: Don't joke with Fast Freddie. By the time you clarify, he's already at the postgame spread.

--Keith Makenas

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