...and the Flintstones

The next phase of the bizarre Fred Mitchell/Ernie Banks tag-team rehabilitation effort on behalf of Sammy Sosa continues Thursday in the Tribune. The dueling apologists' most glaring remarks begin with this gem from Fast Freddie:

"Although Sosa is the only major-league player to hit 60 or more homers in three seasons, his use of a corked bat, his early departure from Wrigley Field during the final game of the Cubs' disappointing 2004 season and other self-centered acts caused the same fans who once cheered his every move to turn on him."

Well, yeah, all those things and the fact that Sosa's head grew to twice its size, literally and figuratively, during those 60-home run seasons.

But it's not as if Fast Freddie doesn't acknowledge Sosa's dirty dance with those Flintstones vitamins:

"There also are unsubstantiated rumors of steroid use that have chipped away at Sosa's status."

Chased by more bizarre apologizing from Mr. Cub:

"It is unfortunate that it turned out that way," Banks said. "Sammy did a lot for the city and he did a lot for the game. There was not a celebration or a big ending to his career. He's just kind of walking away quietly and nobody is recognizing him."

There's something especially sad about the true heroes of baseball sympathizing with the cheaters. What's next, Hank Aaron lobbying for the Braves to sign Barry Bonds?

Finally, Fast Freddie draws an insipid parallel between the redemption of a generally admired figure who was tragically castigated in "Red Sox Nation" for a World Series error and Sosa, a known and proven cheater:

"There is precedent for fence-mending in baseball. Bill Buckner, a figure of scorn in New England since his costly error on Mookie Wilson's roller in Game 6 of the 1986 World Series, was invited back to Fenway Park for a ceremonial first pitch before Tuesday's home opener with Detroit, and Red Sox fans greeted him with a prolonged ovation."

Yep, the guy who poked out 2,715 career hits, many on one, non-Flintstones-aided leg, is a direct parallel to the fella whose lasting contribution to the game was the homer hop.

--Brett Ballantini

Lets Record the First Error of the Season

Even the staunchest Tribune critic would applaud the installation of a statue dedicated to all-time great Ernie Banks, if only because of the fact that the Cubbies have finally figured out that if you're going to erect monuments outside of your ballpark, they ought to be of ballplayers, not broadcasters.

However, there's one little problem with the statue. The inscription reads: Lets Play Two.

The Tribune's Mary Schmich writes about the gaffe in Wednesday's Tribune. She's a stickler for proper grammar, causing one to believe she may be another closeted White Sox fan roaming the Tower.

Schmich reports that at least half of the people she witnessed hopping out to snap photos of the new statue didn't detect anything wrong with it. Cubbies fan Brian, who wouldn't offer his last name because he didn't want to insult the team (Brian, it's a statue, man, Ernie Banks didn't forge the thing from his own bone spurs and elbow chips between games of a doubleheader), said the error was "just a nitpicky thing about English."

Cubbies fan Ken Royal was not so generous, noting the error and commenting, "that's the Cubs for you."

Maybe the next White Sox fan hired by the Tribune should be a proofreader.

--Brett Ballantini