Take My Manager...Please

In today's edition, Fred Mitchell reports that White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen missed Joe Crede's eventual game-winning grand slam in the 7th inning because he was busy sending a message to major league baseball. Jeez, the guy gets the quick thumb from umpire Phil Cuzzi and he's off in the clubhouse, playing Sims, downloading reggaeton, and exchanging IMs with Bud Selig?

Whoops. Seems Fast Freddie was a little too quick to type the ### on this item. Let's turn to the master of the one-sentence paragraph, the Bright One's answer to Mike Downey, Rick Telander:

So where was Ozzie when Joe Crede launched a dramatic grand slam over the left-field fence in the seventh inning to give the Sox a come-from-behind 7-4 win over the visiting Minnesota Twins?

''On the computer,'' he said afterward. ''That's where I was, sending a text message to Major League Baseball.''

No, no, no.

He was just kidding.

''I was watching the game,'' he corrected. ''We have so many TVs in the clubhouse.''

(Apologies for the excessive one-sentence paragraphs. It's a Rick Telander space-eating thing, see.)

One thing's for sure: Don't joke with Fast Freddie. By the time you clarify, he's already at the postgame spread.

--Keith Makenas