Hell's Getting Chilly

What a remarkable two days it has been for Chicago White Sox fans.

First, Jay Mariotti, leading shouter at Sun-Times sports, resigned within hours of returning from his Bright One-sponsored visit to China. Word on the street is that the Mighty Mullet got no closer than a rickshaw to actual sporting competitions while overseas--a masterful feat given that dozens were held daily. (In Chicago, Jay merely must avoid one, at most two, active clubhouses per day in order to "take the pulse" of the Chicago sports scene.)

Today, arguably an even greater miracle occurred: unprompted praise of the White Sox, at the expense of the Cubbies, by Tribune "baseball expert" Phil Rogers.

You can read the article (White Sox are Cubs' Worst Nightmare) yourself, as we don't much enjoy a you-scratch-my-back-I'll-scratch-yours arrangement with the Tribune. But this bit of honest analysis made for a stunning read this morning.

Mariotti resigns. Dr. Phil praises the Sox.

Due tomorrow: Minnie Minoso buys the Cubbies.

--Brett Ballantini

Image of...Greatness?

The White Sox enjoy another convincing win. They retake sole possession of first place. And the once-suspect offense clobbers four more home runs to add to their major league-leading total, forcing even those Central Scrutinizers of the South Side, Tribune sports, to admit the game was a "home run parade" for the club.

You wouldn't know it from Mark Gonzales' lede in his game story. After pulling out his magnifying glass to find the weak spot in an otherwise stirring win for the White Sox, his calloused hands typed this gem:

Mark Buehrle got picked on at home Monday night for one of the few times this season.

And it gets so much worse from there. In just another example of snatching joy from doom, what's the subhead on Gonzo's game story?

Quentin hits another HR, defends image

Hmm...sounds like quite a scoop. Wonder what the dirt may be. Quentin has been found to be dropping his vulnerable left elbow over the plate to score more of those coveted hit-by-pitches? His rebuilt shoulder includes tendons culled from a newborn calf? His fabulous coif is the product of visits to the Hair Club for Men?

Nope, apparently this is yet more Gonzo Journalism, where he inserts a fake ("testing the GM's patience") storyline to keep the negativity fresh. Nowhere in his story (a game story, mind you, about a first-place club clobbering four homers and trouncing its opposition) does he reveal what "image" Quentin is defending.

It's truly guesswork, because no one at the Chicago Tribune Watch studied Gonzo Journalism while in J-School, but it appears that the "image" Quentin must defend is his tendency to provide guarded answers to questions.

Scandalous.

How many statues of a certain Flintstones-aided home run champ from the north side's past would already stand outside of The Shrine if that was the only image scrubbing he had to do?

Only in the Tribune's twisted world can arguably the clear-cut AL MVP through August 19, who just happens to play on the South Side, be feted with such a weak-kneed knock of a headline?

In the article, Gonzo mentions that Quentin has reached safely in 13 straight games, has been hit by 20 pitches, and has only had two streaks of two straight games without a hit all season long. Oh, and he's the top home-run hitter in the majors.

The only "image" portrayed in Gonzo's own copy is that of an MVP. Quentin has to defend that? From what? From who?

From the Tribune, of course, which consistently does a horrible job of acting indifferent to--much less objective toward--anyone on the South Side outplaying a cuddly Cubby.

Think this biased fish wrapper will give one-tenth its space and attention toward pushing Alexei Ramirez for AL Rookie of the Year as it will (and has) done so for fellow employee Geovany Soto in the NL?

--Brian Dykes and Brett Ballantini

Even When He Plays it Straight, He's Tricky

Dave Van Dyck witnessed history yesterday.

A quirky bit of history, yes, but history nonetheless. White Sox hitters Jim Thome, Paul Konerko, Alexei Ramirez, and Juan Uribe hit consecutive home runs in the sixth inning of Thursday's win over the Kansas City Royals.

Those of us who weren't there or watching the game are reliant on Tricky Van Dyck to provide the core details that put us right there in the park with him.

The ChicagoSports.com headline (Try as he might, Hall can't homer White Sox into record books) implies that after his four teammates launched dingers, White Sox catcher Toby Hall flew out to the warning track, hit a long foul (right size, wrong shape), or lined a sharp single to left that could have left the park with any elevation.

But Van Dyck's otherwise well-written sidebar, including quotes from all five principals involved, fails to answer one question: What did Hall do in his at-bat?

The closest we get to an answer is Hall saying of his failure to hit a fifth homer, "I was all done in," which even in the context of what details Tricky Van Dyck provides makes almost no sense.

For those of you who are still in the dark about Hall's at-bat, he struck out to snap the homer streak at four.

Given that this piece is such a rarity in how well-done it is, it feels a little mean to pick on the writer for omitting a single detail, even the most important detail of the story. But no sooner do the guilts set in when, predictably enough, you consider the lead story on ChicagoSports.com...



Clouds on a Sunny Day

If you're the Tribune and you seek to seize the negative in any positive Chicago White Sox development, how would you want your pinch-hitting beat writer, Dave Van Dyck, to handle the lede for the game story in which the following things happen:

• The White Sox win convincingly.
• The White Sox extend their first-place lead.
• The White Sox complete a sweep and a 7-3 homestand.
• The White Sox break the game open with four consecutive home runs, a feat achieved only six times in major league history.
• The winning pitcher is rookie Lance Broadway, 2-0 in his two career big-league starts.

Well, it goes without saying you would address none of those things.

Instead, you'd write about Broadway being sent back down to the minors immediately after the game. As Tricky Van Dyck puts it, "instead of celebrating with his teammates on their charter flight to Oakland"--as if the White Sox are "celebrating" anything with a one-game division lead--Broadway was demoted.

Any reputable media entity would discontinue its "new journalism" practice of seizing the negative. As mentioned below, it's terrific that Van Dyck wrote a sweet sidebar on the string of four homers, but why in the world wouldn't the game story lead with such an amazing feat? The Associated Press devoted its first 14 game story paragraphs to the feat, including reaction from both White Sox and Royals players.

And if the Tribune, always daring to be different, insisted on taking a different tack from the AP, why then was there no emphasis on the White Sox's terrific homestand, resurgent offense, or realigned rotation?

In a rare season where the Cubbies are doing just as well as the White Sox--a fair pace better, in fact--it seems odd that the age-old practice of seizing the negative from the positive still applies to the South Siders. Old habits die hard.

Perhaps once the Cubbies are sold and the sale's wads of cash being squashed into the leaking dike of a $10 billion debt, Sam Zell will simply clear the deck and send all his twisted sports scribes packing. Unfortunately for fans of fair journalism, that's about as likely as a certain north side club breaking a century-long streak this season.

--Brett Ballantini

Schadenfreude Is Sexy!

That fella sporting the vampiric byline and all the cuddliness of a soggy blanket, Dave Van Dyck, got the call to write up Saturday night's White Sox game story. Good news for codgers everywhere; lousy news for White Sox fans.

In just the past couple of weeks, Tribune lede distortions have hit an all-time high. Just two examples: When the White Sox won a 14-inning thriller August 5, the lede addressed shaky starting pitching. On July 26, when the White Sox won their second of two straight games from a heated division rival in come-from-behind fashion, the lede invented angst from GM Ken Williams.

But Tricky Van Dyck dialed it up a notch last night, busting out the schadenfreude and hardly stifling his glee over the happenings at U.S. Cellular Field:

Will this be remembered as Black Saturday, the day the bottom fell out for the White Sox?

In only one gloomy evening, the White Sox lost pitcher Jose Contreras, their postseason ace in 2005, for the season and again lost their grip on first place in the American League Central as they made a flurry of roster moves.

While such vulturing is never appropriate for a journalist, it's especially sick when such joy erupts from a career-threatening injury (keep Tricky Van Dyck away from Kerry Wood by all means necessary!). As the Trickster himself mentions, Contreras was the team's postseason ace in its World Series season. Is it too much to give the guy a smidge of dignity as he limps off a baseball field, perhaps for the last time? And does anyone dare guess at an over/under for the number of times Van Dyck cites his invented "Black Saturday" over the course of the rest of the season?

The second part of Tricky's lede is, as usual, misleading at best. If you didn't know any better, you'd think the White Sox have been yo-yoing in and out of first place all season long. The truth is the White Sox have held first place for all but two days since May, in the first case falling a half-game back before regaining first the next day.

But in Tricky Dick's world, those waiting-to-disappoint White Sox are at it yet again, falling out of first place in their slipshod, Three Stooges fashion.

To his credit, the Trib's Nosferatu of the Diamond does modify the "again" statement five paragraphs in, mentioning that in reality, this loss dropped the White Sox into second place for (only) the second time this month. Still, what's unsaid is that the White Sox were alone in first place for a solid 10 weeks, from May 17 to August 2, have been in first a total of 93 days, and haven't been farther from first than two games all season long. Those latter two marks, by the way, better those of the Trib's beloved Cubbies.

But there go the White Sox, falling out of first again.

--Brett Ballantini

Gonzo Journalism

We'll give White Sox beat writer Mark Gonzales the benefit of the doubt. After all, last night's comeback victory ended just after midnight, apparently well past the bedtime of the hard-core former West Coaster.

How else to explain this, the most inappropriate lede in a season (still just two-thirds over) filled with them.

The White Sox's best cure for shaky starting pitching Tuesday night was power, relief pitching and defense.

Yes, you read it right, Gonzo wrote "Tuesday night," so he was talking about the breathlessly exciting, never-say-die, down-to-the-last-two-strikes thriller that could very well spur the White Sox on to a great run during a tough homestand and halt all the bad juju that's been overwhelming the team since the All-Star Game.

But what's worse is how lazy the lede is--again, a Gonzo trademark. You can tell this is simply rewritten from the Sox Dis 101 book of ledes the Tribune commonly culls from. Care to guess what the original lede was before Nick Swisher won the game with a two-out, 14th inning shot? Maybe it was "The White Sox were again done in by shaky starting pitching Tuesday night." Or "The White Sox are finding that there is no cure for shaky starting pitching."

Either way, it's bad writing. On the other hand, it's no wonder this sort of pedestrian fare is rarely corrected and never improved upon, because it runs rampant through the entire newspaper.

And considering this sentence was written well before extra innings and some time before Gonzo got all sleepy on us, the copyeditors at the Tower are snoozing in their hamster wheels, too:

Floyd threw seven consecutive pitches to start the game, and Polanco cranked a 3-1 pitch over the left-field fence to give the Tigers a 2-0 lead.

As opposed to how starting pitchers usually start the game, by throwing...consecutive pitches? Seems he meant that Floyd threw seven consecutive balls.

If it was a matter of Matt Thornton tossing seven consecutive balls in the 13th, perhaps the gaffe might be more easily forgiven, in the rush to turn his story in. But this sentence was virtually the first game action writing Gonzo did last night, and he was apparently indulging too heavily in free press box popcorn to bother reading over his own writing to see if it made any sense.

Then again, it hardly matters. In the eyes of Chicago's media leader, last night's win was just another ho-hum, come-from-behind, down-to-the-last-two-strikes, 14th inning victory, right?

--Brett Ballantini

Holy Misguided Man-Crush, Dr. Phil!

This past Sunday, Tribune "baseball expert" Phil Rogers continued his man-crush on that fallen angel of a Cleveland Indians GM, Mark Shapiro. When Dr. Phil isn't stumbling over himself to prognosticate a first-place finish for his beloved Wahoos, he's praising every last one of Boy Wonder Shapiro's deft and cunning moves.

The latest effusiveness, headlined Indians strip down and stock up, says Shapiro is doing a good job selling off the parts of his disappointing team. The sidebar goes on to detail resumes of the six players Cleveland hauled in for CC Sabathia and Casey Blake. As Dr. Phil pounds the war drum every bit as loud as that annoying Progressive Field fan who does so during games in Cleveland, he quotes Boy Wonder as saying acquired prospects Carlos Santana and Matt LaPorta "are both potentially core players for us in the future."

Uh, Phil? Mark? The Wahoos just traded two guys who were already core players, Sabathia and Blake, to get these new, younger, potential core players. Now that is brilliant general management.

Of course, the only thing Dr. Phil likes less than criticizing his man-crush is trading prospects. He's consistently skewered White Sox GM Ken Williams for trading away "the future" in order to, gasp, "win now." He recently praised Cubbies GM Jim Hendry for standing pat at the trading deadline and refusing to deal off a player the likes of forgotten blue-chipper Felix Pie for stopgap aid like Seattle Mariner Raul Ibanez, who in the week since the trading deadline is hitting .414 with two homers and 16 RBI.

That's why Rogers buried this little "oops" item regarding the Boy Wonder in the middle of his "Whispers" column on the very same day he was doling out praise for such masterful dismantling of a division winner: Rob Bryson, one of the prospects Cleveland got from Milwaukee for CC Sabathia, has been found to have a damaged labrum.

Last year's Wahoo 9 was within one game of the World Series, clearly the dominant emerging talent in the AL Central. If not for Detroit's zealous overspending for offense this past winter, the Wahoos could have been a universal first-place pick in 2008.

Yet no sooner had Cleveland battered Mark Buehrle on Opening Day than the club started spiraling down the toilet. Injuries played a role, as they always do, but many fault Shapiro for flanking his all-world center fielder Grady Sizemore with a bevy of beer league quality corner outfielders (where have you gone, Jason Michaels? Oh yes, he was released mid-season in another addition-by-subtraction move from Shapiro).

The guess here is that when Spring Training broke, Dr. Phil was content that the likes of Michaels and Casey Blake could hold down the corners for Cleveland, while he tsk-tsked afterthoughts on the South Side-turned-MVP candidates like the broken-shouldered Carlos Quentin and that old gray mare, Jermaine Dye.

Imagine what a mess the last-place Clevelanders would be if not for the amazing resurgence of 15-win hurler Cliff Lee? (Yes, that's the pitcher who Shapiro cleverly demoted to the minors in 2007.)

Dr. Phil's deft baseball analysis tabs the Boy Wonder as "brilliant," yet less than one year ago his team was one win from the World Series, and now his Wahoos are ticketed for the AL Central basement. But damn, that man can trade for prospects!

Rogers tore Williams a new one last season, and that was for finishing in fourth place. Shudder to think what happens if the White Sox ever hit the cellar on Williams' watch, although presumably if the GM continues his controversial strategy of "winning now" by dealing "prospects," that fall will be averted, year after year.

Anyone else detect which GM strategy is worthy of praise here?

--Brett Ballantini