How Low Can Highlights Go?
Today is that illustrious day when the Tribune's baseball beat reporters, in an effort to fill space, reflect upon the last 12 months of mediocrity they've inflicted upon Chicago. Cubs-beat reporter Paul Sullivan and beat-Sox reporter Mark Gonzales go over their highlights, and it's probably not a coincidence that Sully's are 100 percent Cubbies related, while Gonzo leads off with,
Gonzo goes on to repeatedly insult Ozzie Guillen, whose toenail clippings know more about baseball than Mark Gonzales does, on his way to reminiscing about seeing Alyssa Milano in the airport. Only... he didn't recognize her.
The guy's highlight for 2007 is seeing Alyssa Milano in the airport, and he didn't recognize her. That's either a medical problem for which he needs to see his groinecologist, or he's just a typical Tribune investigative reporter — utterly clueless.
Hey Tribune: HAVE YOU FIGURED OUT YET WHICH CUBS PLAYERS WERE SEEN BY MATT KARCHNER STICKING NEEDLES IN EACH OTHERS' ASSES? No? Been too busy recapping the year's highlights, probably. Here's a suggestion: call Matt Karchner. Use the telephone.
Then, among Gonzo's "things to watch for in '08," one is vaguely negative about the Sox, one has to do with drugs, and one has to do with whether the Cubbies can take a step forward and win 90 games. Tasty.
Speaking of the Cubbies, Sully takes a shot at Cubs fans for pissing all over him when he complained about Cubs management, also known as Tribune management, making announcements directly to fans instead of filtering their propaganda through the Tribune. "Some Cubs fans prefer their information spoon-fed," Sully says, and you can hear the room go "Oooooh."
Actually, fans on both sides of town figure they're being spoon fed when they read the Tribune. Now why do you suppose that is?
-- Thanks to Brett Ballantini for this post.
"With apologies to Jim Thome's surge to 500 career homers during a 90-loss season, Colorado's late-season surge was as amazing as it was encouraging to those teams that normally shy away from youth while in the heat of a pennant race. And it was amusing to discover that Rockies shortstop phenom Troy Tulowitzki lives less than two blocks from where I grew up."Wow. Fascinating. The Tribune probably hired this guy because Rockies shortstop phenom Troy Tulowitzki lives less than two blocks from where he grew up. What else could it be? Gonzo hasn't shown a lick of talent since he got here.
Gonzo goes on to repeatedly insult Ozzie Guillen, whose toenail clippings know more about baseball than Mark Gonzales does, on his way to reminiscing about seeing Alyssa Milano in the airport. Only... he didn't recognize her.
The guy's highlight for 2007 is seeing Alyssa Milano in the airport, and he didn't recognize her. That's either a medical problem for which he needs to see his groinecologist, or he's just a typical Tribune investigative reporter — utterly clueless.
Hey Tribune: HAVE YOU FIGURED OUT YET WHICH CUBS PLAYERS WERE SEEN BY MATT KARCHNER STICKING NEEDLES IN EACH OTHERS' ASSES? No? Been too busy recapping the year's highlights, probably. Here's a suggestion: call Matt Karchner. Use the telephone.
Then, among Gonzo's "things to watch for in '08," one is vaguely negative about the Sox, one has to do with drugs, and one has to do with whether the Cubbies can take a step forward and win 90 games. Tasty.
Speaking of the Cubbies, Sully takes a shot at Cubs fans for pissing all over him when he complained about Cubs management, also known as Tribune management, making announcements directly to fans instead of filtering their propaganda through the Tribune. "Some Cubs fans prefer their information spoon-fed," Sully says, and you can hear the room go "Oooooh."
Actually, fans on both sides of town figure they're being spoon fed when they read the Tribune. Now why do you suppose that is?
-- Thanks to Brett Ballantini for this post.
Labels: Chicago Tribune
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