Day in the Life of Tribune Spin Machine

Tribune columnist Fred Mitchell sees cheery happy fuzzy cute parallels between the fan who charged Bobby Howry at Wrigley on Monday and a play now running at a North Side theater:

Life imitated art Monday night when a fan ran out onto the field in the ninth inning at Wrigley Field as the Cubs faced Colorado.

Currently showing at Chicago's Victory Gardens Theater is "I Sailed with Magellan".... The show includes a scene in which Uncle Lefty—a free-spirited jazz man and Cubs fan played by actor Lance Baker—jumps out of the Wrigley bleachers and runs on the field to shake Willie Mays' hand.

He is taken out by a Wrigley Field security guard, and Uncle Lefty is promptly incarcerated into a "loony bin."

Yeah, that's it! Brent Kowalkoski was running out there to shake Bobby's hand. That's the ticket. Cub fans are just so Disney-delightful that they especially want to shake the hands of Cub pitchers who give up homeruns, and the lead, in the top of the ninth. That Cub fan who attacked Randy Myers on the mound in a previous incident was probably also just looking for a nice handshake.

But we couldn't expect Fred and his Tribune co-conspirators to show such largesse to troublesome fans on the Southside. No. Southside bad. Southside evil. Northside happy! Wrigley wonderful! Handshakes for everyone!

Hoy Vey

Meanwhile, the Spanish-language newspaper Hoy treated Spanish-speaking readers to a feature on Carlos Zambrano, including a front-page color photo over the fold and a full-size back-page color photo. The feature is part of Hoy's ongoing nationwide series, "Conoce a tus Cubs," in which the Tribune-owned Hoy newspapers are exclusively promoting the Tribune-owned team in gross violation of the most important ethical principles of American journalism.

But Wait, There's More

Frank Thomas, for a long time the greatest baseball player in Chicago, hit his 500th homerun this week. The Tribune headline:

"Former Sox standout hits 500th Homer."

Former Sox Standout? Here's the headline they gave Sammy:

"SAMMY SOSA SLAMS NO. 600"

Yes, in ALL CAPS.

Tribune Columnist Phlip-Phlop Rogers writes about Thomas' 500th as if it's an obituary and makes sure to include Ken Williams' full "idiot" quote from last year. For Sosa, he made excuses:

In 2004, his final season with the Cubs, Sosa hit 35 homers in 126 games, production that so disappointed him he ducked out of the clubhouse early on the last day, angered his manager, Dusty Baker and set in motion a trade that sent him to Baltimore.

Let's see. That's Fred, Phlip, Hoy — wonder what Gonzo's up to. In his mailbag, the Tribune's beat-Sox reporter, Mark Gonzales, can't wait to bury all memory of 2005. John Browning of Flemington, N.J. writes in to ask, "When was the last time the Sox had a stretch when they went 6-22? (I'm guessing 1968). Do you think its time to re-design the Sox uniform?"

Gonzales' reply:

I think it's time to change the introductory music and clips on the scoreboard, unless they want to start playing Jethro Tull's "Living in the Past."

Har. If Gonzo doesn't know when the Sox last had a 6-22 stretch and doesn't feel like looking it up, fine. But then why include the question? He just gives a sub-witty answer to the nothing part of the question, and it makes him seem underqualified for and disinterested in his job.

Brett Ballantini and William Melvin contributed to this entry.