And the Oscar for Most Predictable Goes to...

We had an office pool here at the Cubune Watch headquarters in Bridgeport last night, taking bets on which Tribune hack would first try to turn Mark Buehrle's no-hitter into a divisive discussion of contract negotiations.

Cubune Watch Editor Jeff McMahon didn't win, selecting Tribune beat-Sox reporter Mark Gonzales. Gonzales showed a glimmer of neutrality, maybe for the first time ever, by writing a story that is almost entirely about the amazing baseball game we witnessed yesterday. Gonzales doesn't get to the contract talk until the 12th paragraph. It's almost like reading sports coverage. It's almost like reading a real sports section from a good newspaper. Wow!

Lone Ranger lost too, choosing columnist Mike Downey, but Lone Ranger gets a consolation prize (a half-molten BeeGees 45 salvaged from July 12, 1979) because Downey manages to fill a seemingly positive story with an abundance of passive-aggressive little jabs at Sox fans:

Downey: Sox no-hitters are rare, and some of the previous ones have been as ugly as Wednesday's weather.... South Side fans often feel they need to wait (a million years) for a no-hitter to happen. Sox pitchers before Wednesday had thrown only three no-hit games in 40 years.

Reality: The White Sox have the second highest number of no hitters in MLB history with 16, trailing only the Dodgers (20). The Cubs have 10. And please, Downey, don't presume to speak for "South Side fans." Especially while you work for the Cubs' house organ.

Downey: Only one lone Ranger reached base. Of all people, it was Chicago's hero of yesteryear, Sammy Sosa.

Reality: We don't rememember a yesteryear when Sammy Sosa was Chicago's hero, do you, Chicago? We remember a yesteryear in which half of Chicago loathed Sosa, and the other half of Chicago gradually came to agree. The Tribune has such a "special" view of the world.

The pool victory and grand prize (a scoreboard pinwheel salvaged from April 20, 1991) goes to Brett Ballantini, for selecting Phil Rogers. Rogers prefers to write business stories about contracts because he doesn't know how to write sports stories about baseball. Phil's story begins, "Um, Mark, about that contract." Our reply begins, "Um, Phil, about that no-hitter." Ballantini asks, "In the future, can the Trib place a one-day moratorium on negative White Sox reporting in the event of a PITCHER THROWING A NO-HITTER?"

Apparently not.