Grab Bag of Tribune Weirdness

First and foremost, in what is becoming an annual tradition, we are supposed to be worried about Bobby Jenks. Here's what Mark Gonzales writes in today's Tribune:

Jenks had been nagged by shoulder stiffness, but his velocity has been in the low 90s—a significant drop from his high-90 range of the past two seasons.

But here's an idea, Mark. Instead of comparing Jenks' spring speed to his regular-season speed, why not compare his spring speed this year to his spring speed last year. Here's what Gonzales wrote one year ago (when we were supposed to be worried about Jenks' weight slowing his pitches):

Opponents are batting .321 this spring against Jenks, who has walked eight and struck out two in eight innings. His fastball was clocked at 94 m.p.h., according to a veteran American League scout at the game.

The truth is, Bobby Jenks begins every spring with a hittable fast ball in the low 90s that gradually gains speed throughout the season until it becomes a blazing unhittable fastball roundabout July or so. Tribune writers ought to know this from reading their own stories. Comprehension often benefits from a little perspective, but the Tribune is always willing to withhold perspective in order to stoke controversy.


How Was Sammy Received?

According to Cubune House Organ Paul Sullivan, "Sosa heard more cheers than boos."

According to the Sun-Times, "The fans weren't quite as generous or forgiving, with as many boos as applause for the former Cubs slugger."

According to the Daily Herald, "When Sosa came to bat in the top of the first inning, the crowd of 11,674 reacted with a mix of polite applause and a smattering of boos."

According to blogger Al Yellon of BleedCubbieBlue, "from what I could hear out on the LF berm, probably 80% of people were booing Sammy when his name was announced."

According to Len Kasper and Bob Brenley, Sosa was booed.

(Thanks to Hangar18 and Dr.Crawdad of SoxandtheCity.net for contributing to this report.)


He's a Lumberjack and He's Okay

We probably shouldn't criticize the Tribune when they're trying to be positive about the White Sox, but they're so unaccustomed to it that sometimes they just end up sounding creepy. By Phil Rogers:

TUCSON, Ariz. -- Adam Russell is about as subtle as a lumberjack slamming a door.

How subtle is a lumberjack slamming a door? Maybe Phil should try to master straightforward comparisons before taking on something as difficult as the simile. Continuing:

He stands 6 feet 8 inches and carries his 250 pounds like a linebacker.

Wait, is he a lumberjack or a linebacker? Are linebackers more subtle than lumberjacks when slamming a door? Because maybe Phil could have just stuck with linebacker from the start. But wait, we're not done with the manly-man job descriptions:

He has a beard, not some wimpy soul patch. He was blessed with a cannon of a right arm, which he has learned to use to good effect.

Phil prefers his men bearded and armed with cannon, like um, a pirate.


Sully Attempts Sarcasm... We Think

Likewise, we should probably be happy when the Tribune criticizes the Cubs, but often we can't tell if that's really what they're doing. We think (and hope) that Cubune House Organ Paul Sullivan was attempting sarcasm here:

MESA, Ariz. -- The Cubs' rotation has four starters with career highs of either 15 or 16 wins, so things should go smoothly if Rich Hill builds on his strong second half and the four veterans match their career-best seasons.

Sarcasm, simile, crowd noises, remembering your own stories from last year... shew! It's tough being a Tribune sportswriter.