More Cracks in the Death Star
The Tribune likes hats. Sometimes they wear a felt cap with a press card in the band and pretend to be reporters, sometimes they don a Cubs ballcap and act like sports-action figures (who always lose), and sometimes they don the top hat of the man about town and flash some coin. And then, when you point to something dubious that they're doing, they will say, "That wasn't me, that was the guy in the other hat. Can't you see that we're completely different people?"
Um, no, you're not. And even when you say you are, sometimes you have more than one hat on your cabeza. Sometimes you're wearing the whole hat rack.
Anyway, this post concerns the McCormick Tribune Foundation (Top Hat), which claims to be a charity founded by Col. Robert McCormick, the white-collar criminal who first figured out that you can make a lot of money by disguising self-promotion as journalism. And by disguising self-promotion as charity, too.
The McCormick-Tribune Foundation wears the top hat of the well-heeled philanthropist but mostly busies itself buying up chunks of Chicago and branding its name on them. Thus, we have:
The McCormick Tribune Printers Row Book Fair
The McCormick Tribune Campus Center
The McCormick Tribune Plaza
The McCormick Tribune Center
The McCormick Tribune Ice Rink
The McCormick Tribune Emergency Room
The McCormick Tribune Center for Early Childhood Leadership
The McCormick Tribune Fellowship (which produces McCormick Tribune Fellows)
The McCormick Tribune Bridgehouse and Chicago River Museum
The McCormick Tribune Freedom Museum (how about some freedom from McCormick-Tribune?)
And just as soon as our greed gets the best of us, the McCormick Tribune Chicago Cubune Watch.
Who was it who said, to give is good, to give anonymously is better?
Back to our story.... The McCormick Tribune Foundation (Top Hat) is reconsidering its investment in the Tribune Company (Hat Rack). Because it values clarity so much, the Tribune Company sometimes calls itself the Tribune Corporation and other times, just Tribune. So we'll go with Hat Rack for now.
About 75 percent of Top Hat's money is invested in Hat Rack, which makes Top Hat the holder of 13 percent of Hat Rack. The problem is, Hat Rack's stock is going in the toilet, where Top Hat prefers not to venture. So Top Hat hired some suits to study whether it can get away from Hat Rack.
I know this is confusing, so just to restate: McCormick Tribune is considering a divorce from Tribune.
At least, that's what they say. Knowing Col. McCormick as we do, we suspect that he may have a fifth ace up his sleeve. The present crisis was precipitated by the Chandler Family of Los Angeles, which owns 20 percent of the Hat Rack. We think Top Hat might actually be planning to leverage its 13 percent to confront the Chandler shakeup with its own takeover of the whole Hat Rack.
Then what happens? Tribune has just bought Tribune, essentially. Nothing happens. Top Hat rehires the current regime of incompetents [E&P membership required], keeps the Cubs, keeps all the TV and radio stations, keeps the bias, and anyone who cares about truth and justice can just go to hell.
Now that's charity for ya.
Um, no, you're not. And even when you say you are, sometimes you have more than one hat on your cabeza. Sometimes you're wearing the whole hat rack.
Anyway, this post concerns the McCormick Tribune Foundation (Top Hat), which claims to be a charity founded by Col. Robert McCormick, the white-collar criminal who first figured out that you can make a lot of money by disguising self-promotion as journalism. And by disguising self-promotion as charity, too.
The McCormick-Tribune Foundation wears the top hat of the well-heeled philanthropist but mostly busies itself buying up chunks of Chicago and branding its name on them. Thus, we have:
The McCormick Tribune Printers Row Book Fair
The McCormick Tribune Campus Center
The McCormick Tribune Plaza
The McCormick Tribune Center
The McCormick Tribune Ice Rink
The McCormick Tribune Emergency Room
The McCormick Tribune Center for Early Childhood Leadership
The McCormick Tribune Fellowship (which produces McCormick Tribune Fellows)
The McCormick Tribune Bridgehouse and Chicago River Museum
The McCormick Tribune Freedom Museum (how about some freedom from McCormick-Tribune?)
And just as soon as our greed gets the best of us, the McCormick Tribune Chicago Cubune Watch.
Who was it who said, to give is good, to give anonymously is better?
Back to our story.... The McCormick Tribune Foundation (Top Hat) is reconsidering its investment in the Tribune Company (Hat Rack). Because it values clarity so much, the Tribune Company sometimes calls itself the Tribune Corporation and other times, just Tribune. So we'll go with Hat Rack for now.
About 75 percent of Top Hat's money is invested in Hat Rack, which makes Top Hat the holder of 13 percent of Hat Rack. The problem is, Hat Rack's stock is going in the toilet, where Top Hat prefers not to venture. So Top Hat hired some suits to study whether it can get away from Hat Rack.
I know this is confusing, so just to restate: McCormick Tribune is considering a divorce from Tribune.
At least, that's what they say. Knowing Col. McCormick as we do, we suspect that he may have a fifth ace up his sleeve. The present crisis was precipitated by the Chandler Family of Los Angeles, which owns 20 percent of the Hat Rack. We think Top Hat might actually be planning to leverage its 13 percent to confront the Chandler shakeup with its own takeover of the whole Hat Rack.
Then what happens? Tribune has just bought Tribune, essentially. Nothing happens. Top Hat rehires the current regime of incompetents [E&P membership required], keeps the Cubs, keeps all the TV and radio stations, keeps the bias, and anyone who cares about truth and justice can just go to hell.
Now that's charity for ya.
Labels: McCormick Tribune Foundation
posted by Chicago Cubune Watch permalink
