Tribune Wants Us to 'Rest Assured'

This is what we mean when we say mediocre: On Dec. 24, the day of a Bears game, the headline splashed across the top of the Sports section read, "Rest assured: Relaxing is wrong." As if there was a single soul in Chicago who thought the Bears should just kick back and let the Detroit Lions beat them on Sunday.

Beneath that headline were a couple more space-filling stories by two guys who've shown they have no more insight into sports than any bloke ranting on the El. Or anyone passed out underneath the El. We have David Haugh, who infamously declared, as the White Sox were passing the Cubs in popularity last year, that "the Cubs can still lay claim to being the most lovable baseball team in town." And we have Rick Morrissey, who called the trade of one Sox pitcher a "fire sale" and picked the last-place Cubs to win their division last year.

Dusty Baker got booted for sucking. Andy MacPhail resigned for MacPhailing. Why do these two lumps still get a paycheck?

And why do we need this daily newspaper with its voracious appetite for buying every other institution in Chicago, with its constant self-promotion and its Gothic tower of arrogance, if it's just going to tell us stuff we already know? If it's not going to offer us some real insight with our coffee in the morning. And if it's not even able to keep up with the Timeses. Can you think of another media empire of such rich resources that so consistently produces mediocrity? Or another major metropolis so burdened with mediocrity in its media?