The bigger they are

Criticizing the Tribune right now is like kicking a puppy that's falling down an elevator shaft. But yes, we have noticed what they're up to. Our friend on the inside is promising big changes. Stay tuned...

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Cutting back, as the Cubbies are preparing to do as they look toward the 2009 season, is hard. But while team GM Jim Hendry seems resolute and resigned to not chasing dubious players with Monopoly money this offseason, the change in philosophy is hitting Hendry's fellow Tribune Co. employee Phil Rogers a bit harder.

First, Dr. Phil was sure the Cubbies would re-sign single-season ace Ryan Dempster to a contract, below market if need be, during the team's exclusive negotiating period. The Tribune "baseball expert" apparently based his hunch on marshmallows and moonbeams, because every other sound baseball source--including those similarly tinged with Cubbie blue--were saying Dempster was aiming for five seasons and $75 million. (Yes, in major league baseball, one strong season as a starter can translate into $75 million.)

As recently as November 9, Rogers wrote that Dempster was so happy in Chicago that he might sign an extension with the Cubs before Thursday.

Today, Dr. Phil tries another tactic to ensure his apparent karaoke partner doesn't leave the North Side: bullying. In his story regarding the rapidly-diminishing demand for San Diego Padres ace Jake Peavy, Rogers says that the "onus" is now on Ryan Dempster to sign a deal with the Cubbies quickly. Huh? In his very story, Dr. Phil points out that no team, including the Cubbies, has made San Diego a fair offer for Peavy. Dr. Phil even quotes San Diego GM Kevin Towers as saying that at present, he'd tell Peavy and his agent that it's likely the ace will be suiting up for the Padres next season.

So Ryan Dempster, sez Dr. Phil, you might have all the leverage here, but I'm gonna put an onus on you!

But really, the best, er, most interesting writing from Dr. Phil this week came in his swan song sung to the Tribune's decade-long darling, Kerry Wood. Rogers has long apologized for Wood's failings and rarely failed to shield this elusive talent from criticism over the years. Now that the parent company has hung Wood out to dry by failing to give the 10-year veteran--who had signed a series of one-year deals to make up for the fact that he hadn't felt he earned his salary in previous contracts--a courtesy call in advance of trading for another closer, Rogers was busy applauding the deal as a "sound baseball move."

Nothing could beat Rogers' conclusion to his Wood elegy, however.

Wood wasn't just a pitcher. He was a guy. And he will be missed.

When the day comes for the Tribune to fire Rogers (or more likely, push him from the top of the Trib Tower attached to a golden parachute), here's hoping he's treated with the same dignity and class.

And on that day, we won't' be lauding Dr. Phil as a very good baseball writer, nor will we anticipate missing his special brand of hack work, under an "expert" tag line or not. We'll probably praise the "sound business decision."

And we won't forget to mention: He was a guy.

--Brett Ballantini

The Moose is Loose Again

This week, the Tribune unveiled its new look. Paid media analysts could describe it better, but the "World's Greatest Newspaper" has moved off into a View-Master direction: Bigger pictures, less words.

Knowing the Tribune the way you do, that should undoubtedly be a good thing, right? Fewer words mean less smarminess, bias, and factual flubs. Jury's still out on that, though.

On page one of Saturday's Tribune sports sits Rick Morrissey, all by his lonesome. See, that's the way the Trib does it now; one supersized picture tells the "story," and then some copy at the bottom expounds on it for those of us who don't think a newspaper should be a series of flash cards.

Anyhow, Moose is writing about the White Sox, stuck in a two-game hole in the ALDS. Unlike Phil Rogers' page two story, which effectively dresses down the team's homer-or-nothing offense and highlights the astounding fact that on Friday, the White Sox had 12 hits, on which not a single runner advanced more than one base, the Moose wastes his lede on an old, tired tune. You know, the one that goes something like: White Sox fans hate the Cubbies more than they like the White Sox.

The way things are going, White Sox fans soon will be able to fall back on their natural pastime: the intense enjoyment of watching the Cubs fall apart.

Good one, Rick. See, a lede like that is rubber-stamped forward at the Trib copy desk because it's a twofold insult. First, dis White Sox fans (representing a huge percentage of Tribune readership in spite of themselves, by the way) by insulting their devotion and intelligence. Second, perpetuate the Tribune myth that The Shrine is the center of the universe by positing that White Sox fans, even on the heels of a thrilling and gutsy run into the postseason and in the midst of losses and offensive ineptitude in the ALDS, could give a flip about the North Side Bumblers.

Sure, Moose is the Trib's designated comedian, wedging one-liners into his copy so awkwardly you wish one day he had been booed off the stage at a Zanies amateur night just to spare him the future embarrassment of trying to be funny in print. But good lord, he had upwards of three hours to come up with a good joke lede--and you didn't have to watch every pitch Friday to know there were plenty available--and the best he can muster is a retread insult to White Sox fans?

With every outing, Morrissey seems more like that doofus you knew in school: well-meaning, not a kid you wanted to see picked on, but someone you hoped would grow up and get a clue.

Well Rick, you're in your fifth decade now. Time is running out for you to do so.

--Brett Ballantini

If He Cheated, and He Probably Did...and other baseball stories

While the steady diet of bias and misinformation wafting out of the Tribune Tower on behalf of its wheezing-its-way-into-oblivion newspaper is usually enough to keep things hopping here, occasionally attention must be shifted to the Tribune's all-Cubbies, all-the-time television network, WGN.

Now, there was no particular anniversary that drove the production of WGN's "All-Time Chicago Baseball Team," unless it was the unmentioned 102 years since the White Sox defeated the Cubbies in the World Series. But befitting a channel named for the "World's Greatest Newspaper," the program was an utter waste of time.

The program amounted to a poor man's version of the "Sportswriters on TV" show done so brilliantly by Bill Gleason, Ben Bentley, Rick Telander, and Bill Jauss. Unlike "Sportswriters," however, the program had no game footage or film of the players selected to the team. No Big Hurt wallbangers, no Sammy Sosa hops, and no Lou Piniella mock tirades. Hey, even Sportsvision ran game highlights during "Sportswriters," and that show's heyday was 25 years ago!

Here's the roster of Chicago's best:
Starters: Fergie Jenkins, Billy Pierce, Ed Walsh, Greg Maddux
Reliever: Bruce Sutter
C: Carlton Fisk
1B: Ernie Banks
2B: Ryne Sandberg
SS: Luis Aparicio
3B: Ron Santo
OF: Billy Williams, Sammy Sosa, Joe Jackson
DH: Frank Thomas
Manager: Al Lopez

Not altogether unreasonable, with a fair blend of White Sox (seven) and Cubbies (eight). The picks were made by baseball writers, broadcasters, historians, and former players both in Chicago and throughout the rest of the country.

But check out which voters were featured on the program's panel of "experts":

• Phil Rogers, Tribune "baseball expert," taking a brief break from sharpening his axe for White Sox GM Ken Williams
  
• Mike Downey, Tribune "sports columnist," master of the one-sentence paragraph
• Dave Van Dyck, Tribune baseball writer out of the bullpen, and the bitter boy of the bunch
  
• Dan McGrath, Tribune sports managing editor, the journalist charged with executing a campaign of bias and misinformation
• Rod Blagojevich, who has governed Illinois as well as the Cubbies have traditionally managed their baseball teams
• Mickey Morandini, former Cubbie who otherwise has no ties to the Chicago area
• Randy Hundley, former Cubbies catcher pretty directly responsible for the free agent monstrosity that was Cubbies catcher Todd Hundley
• Ron Kittle, former White Sox outfielder, feeling awfully lonely on a panel dominated by Tribune employees and Cubbies faithful
• Rich Lindberg, Chicago-area writer and White Sox historian

All presided over by another Tribune employee, Dan Roan.

The highlights, as it were, of the roundtable discussion:

Rich "Goose" Gossage, who started his career with and was transformed into a closer by the White Sox, was pictured in a Cubbies uniform. The newly-minted Hall-0f-Famer played five seasons for the White Sox, one for the Cubbies.

Dr. Phil, saying that Frank Thomas "had the yips about throwing his whole career." No mention of why Thomas had trouble throwing (the Big Hurt was a two-sport player at Auburn and suffered a serious right shoulder injury as a football tight end during his freshman season) or why there was a need to sully the All-Time Designated Hitter with talk of his defensive play.

Dr. Phil also made an extraordinary admission regarding Sammy Sosa: "if he cheated, and he probably did, he kept it hidden better than the others." Now there's a pick to be proud of. Interesting, however, considering the Tribune has been a staunch apologist for Sosa, with Rogers and Fred Mitchell serving as personal bodyguards to Hoppin' Sammy's legacy.

At second base, vanilla milkshake Ryne Sandberg was the obvious landslide winner to 2008 voters, but amazingly, four-season Cubbies veteran Rogers Hornsby finished second, with 21% of the vote. (How stacked did the Tribune feel it had to make the voters to get that absurd tally?) Finishing in third with 16%, 1959 American League MVP and 14-year White Sox second sacker Nellie Fox.

To make sure all viewers knew who was in charge, the Tribune dispatched Hit Man Hundley to admonish Kittle for, ahem, picking too many White Sox players for his All-Time Team. McGrath surely treated the Hit Man to a Tom Collins after that shot to Kitty's kneecap.

The two most misplaced baseball minds on the panel, Blago and Morandini (what, Ronnie Woo-Woo wasn't available?), both insisted that the best manager in Chicago baseball history was, double gulp, Lou Piniella!

And finally Lindberg, who actually was equipped to give an accurate assessment of Chicago's baseball history given he's a lifelong resident, fan, and historian, wasn't used much. Probably because he was the only one who knew what he was talking about. Or did the Tribune's henchmen out him by procuring a copy of Lindberg's first book, 1978's "Stuck on the Sox," before the taping?

--Mark Liptak and Brett Ballantini

Hell's Getting Chilly

What a remarkable two days it has been for Chicago White Sox fans.

First, Jay Mariotti, leading shouter at Sun-Times sports, resigned within hours of returning from his Bright One-sponsored visit to China. Word on the street is that the Mighty Mullet got no closer than a rickshaw to actual sporting competitions while overseas--a masterful feat given that dozens were held daily. (In Chicago, Jay merely must avoid one, at most two, active clubhouses per day in order to "take the pulse" of the Chicago sports scene.)

Today, arguably an even greater miracle occurred: unprompted praise of the White Sox, at the expense of the Cubbies, by Tribune "baseball expert" Phil Rogers.

You can read the article (White Sox are Cubs' Worst Nightmare) yourself, as we don't much enjoy a you-scratch-my-back-I'll-scratch-yours arrangement with the Tribune. But this bit of honest analysis made for a stunning read this morning.

Mariotti resigns. Dr. Phil praises the Sox.

Due tomorrow: Minnie Minoso buys the Cubbies.

--Brett Ballantini

Image of...Greatness?

The White Sox enjoy another convincing win. They retake sole possession of first place. And the once-suspect offense clobbers four more home runs to add to their major league-leading total, forcing even those Central Scrutinizers of the South Side, Tribune sports, to admit the game was a "home run parade" for the club.

You wouldn't know it from Mark Gonzales' lede in his game story. After pulling out his magnifying glass to find the weak spot in an otherwise stirring win for the White Sox, his calloused hands typed this gem:

Mark Buehrle got picked on at home Monday night for one of the few times this season.

And it gets so much worse from there. In just another example of snatching joy from doom, what's the subhead on Gonzo's game story?

Quentin hits another HR, defends image

Hmm...sounds like quite a scoop. Wonder what the dirt may be. Quentin has been found to be dropping his vulnerable left elbow over the plate to score more of those coveted hit-by-pitches? His rebuilt shoulder includes tendons culled from a newborn calf? His fabulous coif is the product of visits to the Hair Club for Men?

Nope, apparently this is yet more Gonzo Journalism, where he inserts a fake ("testing the GM's patience") storyline to keep the negativity fresh. Nowhere in his story (a game story, mind you, about a first-place club clobbering four homers and trouncing its opposition) does he reveal what "image" Quentin is defending.

It's truly guesswork, because no one at the Chicago Tribune Watch studied Gonzo Journalism while in J-School, but it appears that the "image" Quentin must defend is his tendency to provide guarded answers to questions.

Scandalous.

How many statues of a certain Flintstones-aided home run champ from the north side's past would already stand outside of The Shrine if that was the only image scrubbing he had to do?

Only in the Tribune's twisted world can arguably the clear-cut AL MVP through August 19, who just happens to play on the South Side, be feted with such a weak-kneed knock of a headline?

In the article, Gonzo mentions that Quentin has reached safely in 13 straight games, has been hit by 20 pitches, and has only had two streaks of two straight games without a hit all season long. Oh, and he's the top home-run hitter in the majors.

The only "image" portrayed in Gonzo's own copy is that of an MVP. Quentin has to defend that? From what? From who?

From the Tribune, of course, which consistently does a horrible job of acting indifferent to--much less objective toward--anyone on the South Side outplaying a cuddly Cubby.

Think this biased fish wrapper will give one-tenth its space and attention toward pushing Alexei Ramirez for AL Rookie of the Year as it will (and has) done so for fellow employee Geovany Soto in the NL?

--Brian Dykes and Brett Ballantini

Even When He Plays it Straight, He's Tricky

Dave Van Dyck witnessed history yesterday.

A quirky bit of history, yes, but history nonetheless. White Sox hitters Jim Thome, Paul Konerko, Alexei Ramirez, and Juan Uribe hit consecutive home runs in the sixth inning of Thursday's win over the Kansas City Royals.

Those of us who weren't there or watching the game are reliant on Tricky Van Dyck to provide the core details that put us right there in the park with him.

The ChicagoSports.com headline (Try as he might, Hall can't homer White Sox into record books) implies that after his four teammates launched dingers, White Sox catcher Toby Hall flew out to the warning track, hit a long foul (right size, wrong shape), or lined a sharp single to left that could have left the park with any elevation.

But Van Dyck's otherwise well-written sidebar, including quotes from all five principals involved, fails to answer one question: What did Hall do in his at-bat?

The closest we get to an answer is Hall saying of his failure to hit a fifth homer, "I was all done in," which even in the context of what details Tricky Van Dyck provides makes almost no sense.

For those of you who are still in the dark about Hall's at-bat, he struck out to snap the homer streak at four.

Given that this piece is such a rarity in how well-done it is, it feels a little mean to pick on the writer for omitting a single detail, even the most important detail of the story. But no sooner do the guilts set in when, predictably enough, you consider the lead story on ChicagoSports.com...



Clouds on a Sunny Day

If you're the Tribune and you seek to seize the negative in any positive Chicago White Sox development, how would you want your pinch-hitting beat writer, Dave Van Dyck, to handle the lede for the game story in which the following things happen:

• The White Sox win convincingly.
• The White Sox extend their first-place lead.
• The White Sox complete a sweep and a 7-3 homestand.
• The White Sox break the game open with four consecutive home runs, a feat achieved only six times in major league history.
• The winning pitcher is rookie Lance Broadway, 2-0 in his two career big-league starts.

Well, it goes without saying you would address none of those things.

Instead, you'd write about Broadway being sent back down to the minors immediately after the game. As Tricky Van Dyck puts it, "instead of celebrating with his teammates on their charter flight to Oakland"--as if the White Sox are "celebrating" anything with a one-game division lead--Broadway was demoted.

Any reputable media entity would discontinue its "new journalism" practice of seizing the negative. As mentioned below, it's terrific that Van Dyck wrote a sweet sidebar on the string of four homers, but why in the world wouldn't the game story lead with such an amazing feat? The Associated Press devoted its first 14 game story paragraphs to the feat, including reaction from both White Sox and Royals players.

And if the Tribune, always daring to be different, insisted on taking a different tack from the AP, why then was there no emphasis on the White Sox's terrific homestand, resurgent offense, or realigned rotation?

In a rare season where the Cubbies are doing just as well as the White Sox--a fair pace better, in fact--it seems odd that the age-old practice of seizing the negative from the positive still applies to the South Siders. Old habits die hard.

Perhaps once the Cubbies are sold and the sale's wads of cash being squashed into the leaking dike of a $10 billion debt, Sam Zell will simply clear the deck and send all his twisted sports scribes packing. Unfortunately for fans of fair journalism, that's about as likely as a certain north side club breaking a century-long streak this season.

--Brett Ballantini

Schadenfreude Is Sexy!

That fella sporting the vampiric byline and all the cuddliness of a soggy blanket, Dave Van Dyck, got the call to write up Saturday night's White Sox game story. Good news for codgers everywhere; lousy news for White Sox fans.

In just the past couple of weeks, Tribune lede distortions have hit an all-time high. Just two examples: When the White Sox won a 14-inning thriller August 5, the lede addressed shaky starting pitching. On July 26, when the White Sox won their second of two straight games from a heated division rival in come-from-behind fashion, the lede invented angst from GM Ken Williams.

But Tricky Van Dyck dialed it up a notch last night, busting out the schadenfreude and hardly stifling his glee over the happenings at U.S. Cellular Field:

Will this be remembered as Black Saturday, the day the bottom fell out for the White Sox?

In only one gloomy evening, the White Sox lost pitcher Jose Contreras, their postseason ace in 2005, for the season and again lost their grip on first place in the American League Central as they made a flurry of roster moves.

While such vulturing is never appropriate for a journalist, it's especially sick when such joy erupts from a career-threatening injury (keep Tricky Van Dyck away from Kerry Wood by all means necessary!). As the Trickster himself mentions, Contreras was the team's postseason ace in its World Series season. Is it too much to give the guy a smidge of dignity as he limps off a baseball field, perhaps for the last time? And does anyone dare guess at an over/under for the number of times Van Dyck cites his invented "Black Saturday" over the course of the rest of the season?

The second part of Tricky's lede is, as usual, misleading at best. If you didn't know any better, you'd think the White Sox have been yo-yoing in and out of first place all season long. The truth is the White Sox have held first place for all but two days since May, in the first case falling a half-game back before regaining first the next day.

But in Tricky Dick's world, those waiting-to-disappoint White Sox are at it yet again, falling out of first place in their slipshod, Three Stooges fashion.

To his credit, the Trib's Nosferatu of the Diamond does modify the "again" statement five paragraphs in, mentioning that in reality, this loss dropped the White Sox into second place for (only) the second time this month. Still, what's unsaid is that the White Sox were alone in first place for a solid 10 weeks, from May 17 to August 2, have been in first a total of 93 days, and haven't been farther from first than two games all season long. Those latter two marks, by the way, better those of the Trib's beloved Cubbies.

But there go the White Sox, falling out of first again.

--Brett Ballantini

Gonzo Journalism

We'll give White Sox beat writer Mark Gonzales the benefit of the doubt. After all, last night's comeback victory ended just after midnight, apparently well past the bedtime of the hard-core former West Coaster.

How else to explain this, the most inappropriate lede in a season (still just two-thirds over) filled with them.

The White Sox's best cure for shaky starting pitching Tuesday night was power, relief pitching and defense.

Yes, you read it right, Gonzo wrote "Tuesday night," so he was talking about the breathlessly exciting, never-say-die, down-to-the-last-two-strikes thriller that could very well spur the White Sox on to a great run during a tough homestand and halt all the bad juju that's been overwhelming the team since the All-Star Game.

But what's worse is how lazy the lede is--again, a Gonzo trademark. You can tell this is simply rewritten from the Sox Dis 101 book of ledes the Tribune commonly culls from. Care to guess what the original lede was before Nick Swisher won the game with a two-out, 14th inning shot? Maybe it was "The White Sox were again done in by shaky starting pitching Tuesday night." Or "The White Sox are finding that there is no cure for shaky starting pitching."

Either way, it's bad writing. On the other hand, it's no wonder this sort of pedestrian fare is rarely corrected and never improved upon, because it runs rampant through the entire newspaper.

And considering this sentence was written well before extra innings and some time before Gonzo got all sleepy on us, the copyeditors at the Tower are snoozing in their hamster wheels, too:

Floyd threw seven consecutive pitches to start the game, and Polanco cranked a 3-1 pitch over the left-field fence to give the Tigers a 2-0 lead.

As opposed to how starting pitchers usually start the game, by throwing...consecutive pitches? Seems he meant that Floyd threw seven consecutive balls.

If it was a matter of Matt Thornton tossing seven consecutive balls in the 13th, perhaps the gaffe might be more easily forgiven, in the rush to turn his story in. But this sentence was virtually the first game action writing Gonzo did last night, and he was apparently indulging too heavily in free press box popcorn to bother reading over his own writing to see if it made any sense.

Then again, it hardly matters. In the eyes of Chicago's media leader, last night's win was just another ho-hum, come-from-behind, down-to-the-last-two-strikes, 14th inning victory, right?

--Brett Ballantini

Holy Misguided Man-Crush, Dr. Phil!

This past Sunday, Tribune "baseball expert" Phil Rogers continued his man-crush on that fallen angel of a Cleveland Indians GM, Mark Shapiro. When Dr. Phil isn't stumbling over himself to prognosticate a first-place finish for his beloved Wahoos, he's praising every last one of Boy Wonder Shapiro's deft and cunning moves.

The latest effusiveness, headlined Indians strip down and stock up, says Shapiro is doing a good job selling off the parts of his disappointing team. The sidebar goes on to detail resumes of the six players Cleveland hauled in for CC Sabathia and Casey Blake. As Dr. Phil pounds the war drum every bit as loud as that annoying Progressive Field fan who does so during games in Cleveland, he quotes Boy Wonder as saying acquired prospects Carlos Santana and Matt LaPorta "are both potentially core players for us in the future."

Uh, Phil? Mark? The Wahoos just traded two guys who were already core players, Sabathia and Blake, to get these new, younger, potential core players. Now that is brilliant general management.

Of course, the only thing Dr. Phil likes less than criticizing his man-crush is trading prospects. He's consistently skewered White Sox GM Ken Williams for trading away "the future" in order to, gasp, "win now." He recently praised Cubbies GM Jim Hendry for standing pat at the trading deadline and refusing to deal off a player the likes of forgotten blue-chipper Felix Pie for stopgap aid like Seattle Mariner Raul Ibanez, who in the week since the trading deadline is hitting .414 with two homers and 16 RBI.

That's why Rogers buried this little "oops" item regarding the Boy Wonder in the middle of his "Whispers" column on the very same day he was doling out praise for such masterful dismantling of a division winner: Rob Bryson, one of the prospects Cleveland got from Milwaukee for CC Sabathia, has been found to have a damaged labrum.

Last year's Wahoo 9 was within one game of the World Series, clearly the dominant emerging talent in the AL Central. If not for Detroit's zealous overspending for offense this past winter, the Wahoos could have been a universal first-place pick in 2008.

Yet no sooner had Cleveland battered Mark Buehrle on Opening Day than the club started spiraling down the toilet. Injuries played a role, as they always do, but many fault Shapiro for flanking his all-world center fielder Grady Sizemore with a bevy of beer league quality corner outfielders (where have you gone, Jason Michaels? Oh yes, he was released mid-season in another addition-by-subtraction move from Shapiro).

The guess here is that when Spring Training broke, Dr. Phil was content that the likes of Michaels and Casey Blake could hold down the corners for Cleveland, while he tsk-tsked afterthoughts on the South Side-turned-MVP candidates like the broken-shouldered Carlos Quentin and that old gray mare, Jermaine Dye.

Imagine what a mess the last-place Clevelanders would be if not for the amazing resurgence of 15-win hurler Cliff Lee? (Yes, that's the pitcher who Shapiro cleverly demoted to the minors in 2007.)

Dr. Phil's deft baseball analysis tabs the Boy Wonder as "brilliant," yet less than one year ago his team was one win from the World Series, and now his Wahoos are ticketed for the AL Central basement. But damn, that man can trade for prospects!

Rogers tore Williams a new one last season, and that was for finishing in fourth place. Shudder to think what happens if the White Sox ever hit the cellar on Williams' watch, although presumably if the GM continues his controversial strategy of "winning now" by dealing "prospects," that fall will be averted, year after year.

Anyone else detect which GM strategy is worthy of praise here?

--Brett Ballantini

Yes, South Side, the Sky is Falling!

Since the All-Star break, the Tribune has been writing its White Sox game stories with a sense of inevitability.

No, not the inevitability of the White Sox winning the AL Central, but rather the team losing its lead. Day after day, win or lose, the length of the White Sox's division lead is prominently mentioned in the game story, if not in the lede.

But Sunday's writeup by Mark Gonzales is the best yet. His entire story addresses the incompetence of the White Sox bullpen and GM Ken Williams' growing impatience with the team. This after a second straight heart-stopping win, against arguably the White Sox's most formidable division opponent in front of record-setting crowds in Detroit. Two come-from-behind wins, the first with the team down to its last strike, and this is the ChicagoSports headline for Saturday's game story:

White Sox escape again, but test GM's patience
Short-handed bullpen gets in and out of jams

And in case you feel that a zealous Cubbies-fan copyeditor slapped that hed on Gonzo's otherwise life-affirming White Sox game story, here's his lede:

The White Sox and opposing teams are testing general manager Ken Williams' patience.

Here's the funny thing: Nowhere in the story does Gonzo actually address Williams' supposed frustration. Williams is portrayed as "less than giddy" about trade prospects and once again acknowledges that he may be criticized for not making a deadline deal (hmm, think the Tribune's own "baseball expert" Phil Rogers might be among the loudest critics?), but Gonzo offers nothing about the supposed frustration Williams is feeling about his team.

A better guess is that Williams is proud as hell of the team he masterfully pieced together, sitting solidly in first place at the end of July against all odds and every "expert" prediction.

Reality doesn't prevent Gonzo from following he and Tricky Dave Van Dyck's typical pattern for White Sox stories, seizing the negative from the positive.

The entire context of Gonzo's story is negative, with statements like the Sox gathered enough resources to pull out a victory...despite knowing their depth will be stretched past Thursday's 3 p.m. non-waiver trading deadline being extremely typical.

Gonzo inserts only three--yes, three--positive statements about Saturday's potential coffin-slamming win at Detroit.

The first comes buried three paragraphs into the story, after three negative cracks on the White Sox, acknowledging that Octavio Dotel and Bobby Jenks closed the door on the Tigers and helped the White Sox "keep" their 3 1/2-game lead over the Twins.

The last two positives come, predictably, at the end of the story. where Gonzo drops all this trading deadline and DL grumbling to actually report game facts in his game story. The second to last paragraph addresses Chicago's mastery of Tigers ace Justin Verlander--no small mental chip to have on your toughest division opponent, although tellingly Gonzo manages to choose that space not to editorialize. The last paragraph recounts back-to-back homers by Carlos Quentin (picked up by Williams in the free-agent steal of the season) and Jermaine Dye (extended by Williams and an MVP candidate despite everyone's assessment that the right fielder was washed up).

That's it. Thanks for playing, White Sox. Being in first place with a better record (.578, 3 1/2 games in first) than our Cubbies (.577, tied for 1st and falling), is merely a bigger excuse to spotlight your supposed shortcomings.

--Brett Ballantini

Meet the New Boss, Same as the Old Boss

From today's Tribune:

Tribune Editor Resigns

Chicago Tribune Editor and Senior Vice President Ann Marie Lipinski announced her resignation today, a week after the paper announced significant cuts to its newsroom staff and a reduction in the number of pages it prints each week.

Gerould W. Kern, who has been Tribune Publishing's vice president of editorial since 2003, was named Lipinski's successor by Tribune Publishing Executive Vice President Bob Gremillion, who assumed interim oversight of the paper this month after the retirement of Publisher Scott C. Smith.

Who's Gerould W. Kern? Read all about him here.

Editorial Page Wears Cubbie Blue Too

The Tribune's Editorial Bored has admitted that "The future of our parent company—conceivably, the future of our jobs—rests to some unknowable extent on the successful sale of the Cubs and Wrigley Field, and the resulting reduction of corporate debt. " And perhaps that explains why the Editorial Bored seems to go out of its way to mention the Cubs whenever possible, regardless of the actual topic of the editorial. Here's one:

The perfect Father's Day gift

June 13, 2008

You wait until the last minute, hoping for inspiration. You seek clues. You ransack your brain for fresh ideas. You get none. What does Dad want for Father's Day? He's apt to shrug and say, 'Nothing.' (He may be thinking: A few hours on the couch, with a six-pack and a Cubs game and no interruptions sounds good.)

Not my Dad. Here's another plug they slipped in:

Just veto the thing

June 25, 2008

The writing has been on the wall ever since the General Assembly passed a state budget that Gov. Rod Blagojevich says is $2 billion out of whack. There are two things he can do about it: He can veto the entire budget and tell lawmakers to start over. Or he can use his amendatory veto to cut the budget down to size himself. On Tuesday, Blagojevich made it clear he's still holding out hope for option 3: House Democrats suddenly realize they forgot to fund all that spending and hustle back to Springfield to pass some new revenue measures. House Speaker Michael Madigan has shrugged off that suggestion for weeks, so the governor called a news conference Tuesday to announce a July 9 or else deadline. What's he waiting for? By July 9, we'll be more than a week into the 2009 fiscal year and two days into the Cubs' last home stand before the All-Star break. Might as well get busy.

Huh? Is our state government's calendar determined by the Cubs now? Only in the Tribune. Another:

Stats aren't for sale

June 9, 2008

In a move almost as boneheaded as calling a tie in the All-Star Game, Major League Baseball three years ago declared itself the owner of Greg Maddux's ERA, Jason Giambi's on-base percentage and Corey Patterson's sorry, sorry batting average.

Baseball fans accustomed to helping themselves to those numbers—they were right there in the sports pages, after all—were surprised to learn they'd been committing larceny, and steamed when they learned what MLB was up to: It was trying to take over fantasy baseball....

If MLB officials are smart, they'll stop gouging and start groveling. Fantasy players are some of the best fans on earth. They may root for the home team, but they have a stake in dozens of other games every week involving players on their fantasy rosters. They're a great advertising demographic: above average education and income; big consumers of sporting goods, online tickets, fast food and alcohol. They're three times as likely as the average Joe to attend an actual game and melt down the MasterCard: two tickets, $88; six beers, $36; four hotdogs, $16, etc. Watching the Cubs lose in the bottom of the ninth (bummer!) thanks to an Albert Pujols homer that moved your fantasy team up a notch in the standings, priceless. And by the way, free.

"Bummer!" Do you get the sense we've got a Cubs fan writing all the Tribune's editorials lately? Maybe it's this guy Paul Weingarten:

Oh, no. It's commencement time!

By Paul Weingarten

June 20, 2008

I've been trying to remember what, if anything, I could recall about the commencement speaker at my graduation, whoever that might have been and whatever he/she might have said. But hey, that was quite a while ago and the memory's not what it was.

You current Northwestern University grads won't have that problem. You'll remember that Mayor Richard M. Daley was your commencement speaker on Friday, even though some of you dissed him in e-mails to NU's president, Henry Bienen....

The NU naysayers who dissed Daley said they were expecting someone like Jerry Seinfeld. It's like, after spending all that money on tuition, the grads are expecting a send-off ceremony with tickets that could be scalped to bring Cubs World Series-like prices....

Paul Weingarten is a member of the Tribune's editorial board.

Thanks to Lone Ranger for this observant post.

Slobberin' to Criticize

Phil Rogers, the Tribune "baseball expert" who picked Detroit (currently the 26th-best team in the majors) to win the Central Division this year, is so desperate to drag down the White Sox that he creates two new presumed fictions in his "Whispers" column in Sunday's Tribune.

Rogers quite fairly trashes Detroit Tigers infielder Miguel Cabrera, whose marks of .218 with runners in scoring position and .107 in close-and-late situations are simply pathetic. But Dr. Phil can't resist tweaking the South Side faithful, whose money apparently isn't green enough to help rescue his flailing, conflicted "newspaper" out of a debt that has mounted to billions. Asks Phil:

Remember when White Sox fans were angry [Ken] Williams didn't trade for Miguel Cabrera?

Yeah, Phil, White Sox fans were positively freaking out over the fact that Detroit sozzled the Florida Marlins with blue-chippers and didn't so much as sneeze at absorbing twiglegged BP tosser Dontrelle Willis in the process. Yeah, there was some surprise that Detroit would feel a need to augment its Motown Murderer's Row with yet another big bat. Certainly after the Tribune and other media outlets painted White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen as nothing short of Cabrera's favorite uncle, best baseball bud, and personal Jesus all rolled into one, the Migster's swap to a division rival was a shock.

And who could blame Phil for his outrage over the White Sox not being able to just go out and get whatever player they wanted? After all, his employer has committed more than $300 million in salaries to players, deserving or not, in just the past two offseasons. Apparently, if you're not rocking free agency old-school Yankees style by dumping $18 mil a year on an outfielder who is as mobile on the Shrine's green grass as a tree sloth, you're not doing much to GM a ballclub.

But as dumb as Rogers' Miggy-baiting was, worse still was the low blow on Williams and his son, Wichita State outfielder Kenny Williams Jr.

Rogers claims that a "draft source" called the White Sox's sixth-round plucking of Junior "a reach." (Far be it for us to expect real detail here, Phil, particularly when you're dissing the GM's son.) Dr. Phil cites no statistics or context for either the source's dismissal of Williams Jr. or his own decision to pad his column with a blind attack on Williams himself. Of course, this is nothing new; citation is Rogers' Kryptonite.

And worse, Rogers completely ignores the drama behind the situation. In its draft-day story, the Associated Press reports that, essentially, the entire White Sox draft war room had to persuade Williams that he shouldn't pass up picking his son in the sixth round.

All Rogers had to do in order to offer a more legitimate analysis of the pick and duck the sort of criticism he's getting here was read the wire story that everyone and his hamster had access to within hours of the pick.

Because it's pretty clear that research and reporting aren't Dr. Phil's strong suits, the Chicago Cubune Watch will make an exception and run to his aid before he slags Williams or his son off in a second straight "Whispers":

• This season, Williams Jr. hit .325 with 16 stolen bases for Wichita State.
• White Sox scouting director Doug Laumann calls Williams Jr. "somewhat of a project" and a "high-risk, high-reward guy."
• Laumann says Williams was not in the draft room when the White Sox picked his son, saying the GM really struggled with having him join the team. Reading between the lines, all indications are that Williams disassociated himself from the pick--at least as much as a GM can on draft day.
  

This does not in any way sound like the sort of nepotism Rogers implies when he chastises the White Sox for having picked Williams Jr. "in a round that matters." Still, to have cited anything more than the anonymous mumblings of a "draft source" would have legitimized Dr. Phil's praise or condemnation of the pick.

Shame on him for lazily extending his apparent personal vendetta against Williams, and moreso his sham newspaper for allowing such pseudo-journalism to run unabated, week after week, year after year.

Why is Dr. Phil so agitated? Shouldn't he celebrate the lone successful GM in the city of Chicago?

And by the way, memo to the Trib editors--next time Phil inserts one of his presumably fictional, anonymous sources to discredit the ballclub across town, at least change the dopey label "draft source." They're called scouts.

(And if they're not scouts, why the hell is Rogers "quoting" them in the first place?)

--William Melvin and Brett Ballantini

Clobberin' with Lies

Dave van Dyck was responsible for writing up Saturday night's White Sox game story.

(Those of you who just cringed, bonus points for appreciating Tricky Van Dyck's special brand of "writing.")

With the White Sox's offense back in full force and scoring outrageous amounts of runs, you'd think Tricky V.D. would shoot right out of the gate with a delicious lede. Perhaps he'd mention Joe Crede's four home runs in the past two games, an accomplishment not attained by a White Sox player in nine seasons. How about 64 hits in five games so far in the homestand? Hey, he couldn't even be blamed for leading with news of the rarest of baseball accomplishments, a Paul Konerko triple.

No, the lede for the story detailing the White Sox's trampling of Minnesota, their fiercest rival and closest Central Division trailer, by a lopsided, 11-2 margin avoids any such pertinence:

They may have the worst winning percentage of any team leading a division, but the White Sox have a bigger lead than the best team, the Cubs.

Now, let's try to ignore how horrible Tricky Van Dyck's writing is and how lazy and convoluted a lede this is. As is to be expected from a writer from a newspaper that prides itself more on torpedoing its crosstown rival than reporting facts, Tricky Van Dyck's lede is simply wrong.

The division leader with the worst record is not the red-hot White Sox but the Arizona Diamondbacks, whose 34-28 record trails the White Sox by a full 1.5 games. Moreover, the north side bumblers are no longer the "best" team in baseball as the Trib's Hall of Fame-nominated hatchet man implies--they're now tied with the L.A. Angels at 39-24.

Apparently the Tribune sports editors "missed" the falsities when they "fact-checked" Homer Dave's story.

— Submitted by Cubune Watcher Edward B., with an assist from Brett Ballantini

Our Fans Count More Than Your Fans

ESPN, the Chicago Sun-Times, and MSN.com all reported that Wednesday night's game at U.S. Cellular Field was a sellout.

The Tribune was the lone dissenter, reporting the crowd at Wednesday night's game as a "near sellout."

Apparently the Tribune's interpretive attendance translates into sellouts being sellouts only if they happen at Wrigley Field.

How often do you think the Tribune calls a Cubbies game a "near-sellout?"

--Submitted by Cubune Watcher Chris

No Respect Roundup

There's been a trend of late in the Tribune Sports section. It's not anything new, just the typical downplaying of White Sox success that we've all come to understand is part of the Tribune's mission. But in the course of a seven-game winning streak, the Tribune's distortion of reality has become more glaring and obvious that usual.

First, a pop quiz: Which Chicago baseball team in first place on Sunday was ranked No. 1 in Phil Rogers' latest "Power Poll," and which Chicago baseball team in first place on Sunday was ranked No. 10? Here's a hint: The team that was in first, but ranked 10th, has defeated a division rival ranked ahead of it in the "Power Poll" twice this week.

More disturbing is the victory-snatched-from-defeat theme of White Sox story ledes that have been popping up in the paper throughout the winning streak. All the writing comes courtesy of Mark Gonzales, with the exception of Monday's story, written by Dave "Tricky" Van Dyck.

Wednesday's 6-1 win vs. the Angels:
Ozzie Guillen looked like a genius … for at least one night.

Thursday's 4-3 win vs. the Angels:
Jim Thome took a big load off his White Sox teammates and himself Thursday night.

Friday's 2-0 win over the Giants:
Manager Ozzie Guillen believes Cuban import Alexei Ramirez should have more home runs despite the lack of playing time and getting acclimated to playing in cold conditions for the first time.

Saturday's 3-1 win at San Francisco
There was plenty of traffic on the basepaths Saturday night. But Mark Buehrle topped Barry Zito when it came to escaping jams, particularly in avoiding the big innings that have inflated Buehrle's earned-run average.

Sunday's 13-8 win over San Francisco:
Earlier this month, the White Sox were mired in a six-game losing streak, dealing with a blowup doll controversy and facing questions about their feeble offense.

Monday's 4-1 win vs. the Indians:
If the White Sox need any more ammunition to show doubters this may be a special season, it came Tuesday night at U.S. Cellular Field when they beat Indians ace C.C. Sabathia.

Yesterday's 7-2 win over Cleveland:
After the White Sox were held to one hit through five innings and were on the verge of watching a sterling effort from Javier Vazquez go for naught, Jermaine Dye couldn't be blamed Wednesday night for spiking his bat and pumping his fist after solving nemesis Paul Byrd.

Keep in mind, these aren't random tidbits culled from the body of each game story. These are the ways the writers chose to begin the story, the one lede they arrived at out of all the possible directions their reports could have taken.

The lede establishes the tone of a story, particularly when it's a game result. We often begin reading having already seen the result the previous day. So the lede in game stories shapes perception--and, unfortunately for Tribune writers, exposes the author's biases, pro or con, toward players, teams, and game circumstances.

I wouldn't blame some skepticism at the start of the White Sox's winning streak, although leading with negatives night after night is still a bit harsh. But look at yesterday's story--the White Sox are the hottest team in baseball, in first place with a bullet. What does Gonzo trot out? How feeble the Chicago hitters were for five innings. That Javier Vasquez was about to have (another) great effort wasted. That Jermaine Dye is so weak that he had to celebrate "solving" Paul Byrd.

In every case, reading the lede exposes that the writer presumes the White Sox can't be for real, that they have no business in first place or finding any sort of success, even just a quarter into the season.

This organizational attitude, which encourages a Tribune writer to dismiss the achievements of the crosstown team even at the cost of his own credibility and the paper's status, permeates Tribune media. It's as if there's a memo circulated every season, reminding writers who signs their checks, contributes to their 401(k)s, and stands to enrich them once the Cubbies are finally sold off.

--Brett Ballantini

28 Days

It only took four weeks, but a Tribune writer finally has acknowledged the Kosuke Fukudome "Horry Kow" T-shirts being sold outside and worn into Wrigley Field by supposed Cubbies fans. ChicagoSports.com blogger Rahula Strohl had previously written on the controversy, his criticisms of the shirts getting him barbecued as "politically correct" and worse in comments from CS readers. But the core sportswriters--the winceable Dream Team of Sullivan, Rogers, Gonzales, Downey, Morrissey, and McGrath--have been mum.

Unfortunately, Paul Sullivan's piece today doesn't bring a happy conclusion to the story. The apologetic headline, Cubs can't stop all sales of offensive Kosuke Fukudome T-shirt, says it all.

The Cubs and the Tribune are caught in a tough place here. But between the month the Tribune took to officially acknowledge the shirts and the sellers, the fact that it owns its ballpark and could well better police it and the Wrigleyville area to rid the city of such ugliness, and that no one on its pages can bother to state the obvious and condemn this type of ugly racism for fun and profit, it's hard to be too sympathetic.

Worse, imagine the taunts and, apparently, the T-shirts screened once Fukudome finally slumps this season.

--Brett Ballantini

Who's Got the Power?

A week ago in Phil Rogers' "Power Poll" feature on ChicagoSports.com's "Hardball" blog, the 14-10, first-place White Sox ranked No. 4. The 16-9, first-place Cubs ranked No. 3.

Both teams had a rough week. The White Sox took the collar, losing the five games between polls, and falling to second place. Dr. Phil rightfully spanks the punchless Sox down to No. 11 in his poll. He also makes the incongruous comment that the White Sox have no run producers in the minors save for Josh Fields.

Dr. Phil, there's a guy on the White Sox named Carlos Quentin. White Sox GM Ken Williams acquired--the overeager might go so far as to say stole--him from the Arizona Diamondbacks for a Single-A first baseman, Chris Carter. Well Phil, on Sunday there were 11 players in the majors with an on-base + slugging percentage of better than 1.000. Astoundingly, only one of those players was in the American League.

His name? Carlos Quentin.

Quentin's the guy who made a preposterous throw from left field, on the fly, to double off a Tiger at first base early this season. He's already been hit by seven pitches this season, but he's such a bad-ass he doesn't wear any of that Barry Bonds armor to the plate. If Quentin was on the north side, fans already would be wearing some form of offensive T-shirt to "celebrate" him. So Phil, look him up; he's in the White Sox media guide, really.

Quentin is brought up not to deflect attention from the hapless White Sox offense. After all, saying this ballclub is the 11th-best in the majors is a fairly big stretch at the moment. But Rogers and his gratuitous shots at the White Sox GM are way out of line. Even in a short skinny as part of a space-filler of a power poll, Rogers can't resist letting loose on Sox brass.

The purpose of competing in the majors is to have the best major league roster you can. A terrific Single-A hitter like Chris Carter is an asset, but he's not a major-leaguer who earns you major league wins. Quentin's OPS+, is 177, essentially meaning he's hitting 77% better than the average American Leaguer. The next-best White Sox hitter is Joe Crede, whose OPS+ is 119. Quentin is by far the White Sox's best hitter through the first month, and he was essentially shoplifted out of the Diamondbacks organization. But your readers would probably rather read your fiction pieces about win-win trades with Arizona you're spinning as lopsided, so keep the cheap shots coming, Phil.

Oh, and the Cubs? They didn't have a very good week, either. They went 2-4 (and then lost Sunday night's game, which was completed after Phil posted his power poll), falling to second place. Funny, while Rogers admits the Cubs are "spinning their wheels" and have no closer, he can't see dropping the Cubs even one spot in his poll. His beloved bumblers choke away two series, one home and one away, to their two closest division rivals, but they're still the third-best team in the majors.

Another crisis averted. This is a the guy who Cubs manager Lou Piniella referred to as irreplaceable in the Tribune lineup?

--Brett Ballantini

Tower Struggles to Cover Lesser Buildings

Cell Trounces Wrigley Again in SI Fan Poll

The White Sox play in the eighth most popular ballpark in America, according to Sports Illustrated's annual fan poll, while Wrigley Field (that "sacred garden" revered by the people who own it and their army of pajama-clad followers) finished 15th. The Cell consistently stomps on Wrigley in that poll, but the Tribune always finds a way to circumvent the comparison, which would, of course, debunk the Wrigley Field myth at a moment when it is poised to earn the Tribune several hundred million dollars. The Tribune's take this year? Neither stadium finished in the top five. Hmm. Now why do you suppose the Tribune only looked at the top five instead of, like Sports Illustrated, honoring the top ten?

-- Thanks to Lone Ranger for this post.

Tribune: Wrigley Building to Remain in Chicago

Both the Tribune and its yuppie-pandering Redeye edition published this marble-mouthed sentence, reassuring us, to our great relief, that the Mars Corporation is not going to hoist the Wrigley Building onto the back of a flat-bed truck and haul it out to Mars' headquarters in Maclean, VA:

Though most of Wrigley's operations will remain in Chicago, including its executive offices and ornate white building on Michigan Avenue, the shift in Wrigley's power base, including the fact that the founding family will no longer be owners, means something, experts said.

The sentence was penned by none other than David W. Greising, by all accounts one of the nicer and more talented scribes in the Terrible Tower, who nonetheless remains most famous among White Sox fans for somehow overlooking 1.75 million of them crowded on the streets of Chicago in October, 2005. Some fair maiden needs to rescue poor David from that Tower and free his prose from the nefarious influence of the Ring of Power.

-- Patrick Sheehan

Fuzzy Math (or News That Makes Us Richer, Part 2)

Paul Sullivan was lucky enough to witness a 19-5 pasting of the Brew Crew last night. But apparently he was too distracted by the presence of Mark Cuban in the park to bother fully researching his own writing. An excerpt from his game story:

[Geovany] Soto has 20 RBIs in April, the most for a Cubs rookie since records began being kept in 1956.

Wait a just a second. "Records began being kept?" Isn't baseball the most over-recorded sport in human history?

Now, it's possible that the deep Tribune coffers and resources are vastly overestimated, but there were several options available to Sully before he opted out so lazily:

• Page through the Cubs media guide.
• Telephone his newsroom for assistance.
• Drop $29 on yearly access to www.baseball-reference.com's advanced stats and devote 10 minutes to surfing.
• Befriend one of the millions of SABRheads in the world, many of whom already are likely corresponding with Sully. Such perfectionists would likely do a whiz-bang, instantaneous run of the numbers for Sully for free, and in time for Wrigley's seventh-inning warble.
  
• Contact Stats, Inc., which not only would quickly track a straightforward record like most Cubs ribbies in April by a rookie, it'd probably tell him how many batting gloves that rookie went through during the month and the kid's favorite type of hoagie sammich.
• Or, if all else fails, don't print the stat.
  

Not to be outdone in the popular Trib category of fuzzy math, Sully's study buddy Dave Van Dyck wildly speculates about the presence of every north sider's favorite Racer X, Cuban, in the crowd:

Cuban, owner of the Dallas Mavericks (who fired coach Avery Johnson on Wednesday), has publicly expressed interest in owning the Cubs, but it is still uncertain if he could raise the expected $700 million it would take or whether he could get approval from other MLB owners. Tribune Co. hopes to sell the team by the end of the year, and several groups have expressed interest, although Cuban is the most visible individual suitor.

This is unethical journalism to the nth degree.

DVD very fairly speculates on Cuban's ownership interest in the Cubbies. Cuban likely would bring increased interest, aggressiveness, and competitiveness to the Cubs, the team that's bordering on 100 years between World Series titles and counting. That's newsworthy. The fawning is a little unbecoming, but after untold years of faceless ownership, Cuban could be a fresh breath for the Wrigley regulars.

However, DVD, a Tribune employee and presumed stockholder, cannot resist speculating on a price tag for the ballclub, which has been a favorite pastime from the moment the Lovable Losers approached the auction block.

A modest, reasonable price tag might even be OK, for speculative purposes. For example, stating that the Cubs were expected to fetch at least the $XXX million a prior team sale earned is fair play--after all, the cost of buying into MLB's gold mines is stretching ever upward.

But to pull $700 million out of his hiney isn't speculation, it's auctioneering, and the act is absolutely out of line. We know the Tribune has been bandying about a false-bottom price of $1 billion as the likely cost of the ballclub and Wrigley Field for months now, so DVD's numbers surely don't reflect the combo price. DVD can't even employ the specious price of $500 million in his wild speculation; no, the dutiful stockholder/employee has upped the ante to $700 million, citing it in no small measure as a starting point ("the expected $700 million").

This speculation has no place on the sports page, or anywhere in the Tribune, for that matter, at least without a disclosure accompanying it, per Tribune policy. It certainly has no place being created by a fiction writer the likes of Dave Van Dyck.

--Brett Ballantini

Tribune: All the News that Makes Us Richer

On page 5 of the Tempo section in today's Tribune we find a charming feature about some people who built a one-third-size replica of Wrigley Field in Freeport, IL. But we don't know anything about those people except for one name — Denny Garkey — and the word "organizers." And the story doesn't tell us anything about the community that hosts the field. Instead of emphasizing the people who built this field or the community in which they built it, the Tribune predictably emphasizes itself. That is to say, it emphasizes its own assets, without disclosing that they are assets, and at a time, we note, when those assets are for sale.

The first paragraph, ostensibly describing the mini-field, mentions the Cubs, Wrigley Field, the "Friendly Confines," the green scoreboard, the red marquee sign, and the WGN press box. Need we remind you that Tribune owns WGN?

The second paragraph mentions a person, Dutchie Caray, whom it describes as "the widow of famed Cubs announcer Harry Caray." If the Tribune didn't constantly promote its selective memory of Harry's biography, he might be more appropriately described as the larger Chicago area actually remembers him: "famed White Sox and Cubs announcer Harry Caray."

The third paragraph mentions those anonymous "organizers" of the new field in the course of getting to another mention of Tribune-owned Wrigley Field. Did we mention it's for sale?

And then, best of all, the final paragraph is devoted to the billy goat curse, the Tribune's favorite strategy, for the last quarter century, to attract fans to a losing team. The lovable losers, cursed by a goat.

The story hardly manages to be about its topic — the miniature field — at all, and never gets around to asking the "organizers" why they built it, how they raised the money, how the community has reacted, etc.

And most importantly, the story never discloses that the Tribune owns the assets it is describing, despite ethical codes and a Tribune policy requiring such a disclosure. Why is it important to include such a disclosure in such a cute little feature story? Because as a Tribune editorial recently admitted, "The future of our parent company—conceivably, the future of our jobs—rests to some unknowable extent on the successful sale of the Cubs and Wrigley Field, and the resulting reduction of corporate debt. "

-- Patrick Sheehan

Bleepin' Lead Story

It's pretty clear how the Tribune behaves when its Cubbies are playing poorly, trumping up every meaningless accomplishment and downplaying the achievements of the crosstown rival. And last fall, we saw the latest example of how the Tribune will try to huff and puff and blow the Cubbies into the World Series.

Considering how much time and effort the Tribune has expended over the years to convince you that their Cubbies product is worth buying, it's rather funny that once the product really is good, the Tribune doesn't know how to sell it. Perhaps it's understandable; the sports desk has so little experience in the rarefied air of first place.

As the morning broke today, the Cubs were the hottest team in baseball, sitting atop the NL Central, tied for the best record in baseball at 15-6. Oh, and in a strange little development that has a lot more to do with the Cubs playing baseball since the Civil War than it does with any sort of organizational commitment to excellence, the team just won its 10,000th game, an extra-inning affair on the road vs. the defending NL champs.

What, then, are the lead stories on ChicagoSports.com? The 25-year anniversary of former manager Lee Elia's profanity-laced tirade against Cubbies fans. Count 'em, five stories celebrating one of the most pathetic and hilarious moments in Chicago sports history.

True, it is likely that the Elia tirade is the first real Cubs highlight, and most lasting, of the Tribune-owned era. And if there's one thing we know, the whozits and wassats traipsing about the Tower will never hesitate to congratulate themselves.

Even when the joke is on them.

--Brett Ballantini

Back to Baseball

The White Sox have flown out of the gate, resting comfortably in first place at 11-7, already 2.5 games in front, and 4.5 and 5 games ahead of supposed world beaters Cleveland and Detroit. This in spite of a .242 team batting average and two starters, Paul Konerko and Juan Uribe, batting well south of the Mendoza Line.

So, naturally, it's time for a White Sox mailbag that accentuates the positive, right? That's not how ChicagoSports.com is posing it:

Mark Gonzales' White Sox mailbag
The Tribune's White Sox beat writer answers reader questions throughout the season. This week, Joe Crede's durability and whether the Sox will re-sign him, the disappearance of Ozzie Ball and a struggling Paul Konerko

--Brett Ballantini

Don't Trod on the Trib

As the prior post confirms and any sports message board of note indicates, yes, apparently there's cause for debate over the racist T-shirt being sold outside and worn inside of Wrigley Field. To some, objecting to a T-shirt depicting Cubs star outfielder Kosuke Fukudome as a slant-eyed mockery out of the Mickey Rooney school of caricature is tantamount to political correctness gone wild. Perhaps it's just the yahoos who take the time to comment on message boards, but a scan of comments on the issue indicate there's a plurality of sports fans who feel that someone who objects to such blatant racism must be some kind of sensitive wuss.

And then there's Sean Deveney, the Chicago-based baseball writer for Sporting News. Sean publishes a weekly "power poll" of MLB teams, which often includes clever or insightful comments about each team in the rankings.

Having pummelled the hapless Pirates six times already in this young season, the Cubbies have surged to No. 5 in his April 21 poll. The accompanying comment is also worthy of a pummelling:

There have been complaints about racist T-shirts celebrating Kosuke Fukudome around Wrigley Field. It is demeaning, uncalled for and pretty bad, but it’s not John-Wayne-in-The-Fighting-Seabees bad.

For those of you unfamiliar with Deveney's oddly apologetic reference to a movie more than six decades old and released when the U.S. was at war with the Japanese being demeaned, John Wayne's character in the movie refers to the Japanese as "bug-eyed monkeys." So, Deveney apparently is saying, this Fukudome shirt may be pretty out of line, but y'know, it's more righteous than a shirt that would have been stitched, say, 64 years ago.

Wow, perspective. Deveney, dude, you really nailed it for all of us.

It's not a matter of course to address the national media in this space, but Deveney's flip comment isn't necessarily just foolishness running rampant. It reflects a pattern of genuflection and fear--subconscious or not--that even an established media member such as Deveney feels when he dares trod upon one of the mighty Trib's holdings.

After all, the "poll" is still running at Tribune.com: Is a shirt with "Horry Kow" on the front and Kosuke Fukudome's name on the back OK?

Yes, for some 12 hours and counting, the Tribune actually has been asking its readers whether a shirt depicting a slant-eyed Asian on the front who cannot speak intelligible English and emblazoned on the back with the name of its prized, $48 million baseball-playing employee, is "OK."

Here's a better poll, and Tribune, you're encouraged to steal it: Isn't it sad that you're asking the question?

--Brett Ballantini

If You Have to Ask, You'll Never Know

Poll, April 21, Tribune.com:

Racist T-shirt at Wrigley?
Is a shirt with "Horry Kow" on the front and Kosuke Fukudome's name on the back OK?
• Strohl: It's 'racist'
• 'Funny? Not at all'
• Who would buy one?
• Vote: Offensive?
• See the shirt

This is really a topic worthy of debate? No, it's a shameless attempt at more page views.

Seems we're one step from seeing "Horry Kow" on sale at the Trib store.

--Brett Ballantini

The Silent Ban

Apparently, though it wasn't made known to the public or reported via the "company newspaper" Tribune, the Cubbies have "banned" the offensive Kosuke Fukudome T-shirts being sold outside The Shrine. Interesting, then, that the shirt was blatantly being sold by multiple vendors outside the park, including one highly-visible seller outside of the Cubby Bear.

Today, Rahula Strohl becomes the first member of the Tribune organization to acknowledge the T-shirts. Not in the newspaper, mind you, nor in any online "news" area, but in the sports blog What's Goin' On. And sad to say, based on the vitriolic responses that made up roughly half of the comments on Strohl's criticism of the shirts, they will be on sale outside the park and worn inside all season long.

Funny that these issues never came up on the South Side, when Shingo Takatsu and Tadahito Iguchi became the first two Japanese players in Chicago.

Never underestimate a Cubs fan's right to be ignorant. Or the company newspaper's right to be negligent.

--Brett Ballantini

Horry Kow, It's Frat Boys on Parade

The Tribune has devoted a lot of space lately about the practice of throwing baseballs onto the field during a game. Ryan Theriot thought seeing a dozen or more baseballs fly back onto the field after an opponent's home run in a Cubbies rout was "awesome." Lou Piniella, who's fallen into the habit of defending just about everyone and everything Cub, doesn't see an issue with balls flying back onto the playing field during a game ("I don't think our fans are obnoxious"). Paul Sullivan suggests this is a "new tradition."

But there's a more disturbing story brewing inside and outside The Shrine: The special way some fans are welcoming their first Japanese player, Kosuke Fukudome, to Chicago.

Funny though, you won't read about "Horry Kow" Fukudome T-shirts in the Tribune. (The link connects to a Sun-Times story from April 18.)

The Tribune apparently has all the space in the world to endlessly debate the practice of tossing baseballs back onto the field after opponents hit home runs, or Reds broadcaster Marty Brennaman's reaction to it (the Tribune has run at least two articles solely devoted to Brennaman's comments). Yet nothing has come up about the blatant racism in the Fukudome T-shirt and the fans who "proudly" wear it.

In the Sun-Times story, the team offered no official comment on the racism running rampant inside and outside of its ballpark. Of all the things to offer a quick and definitive comment on, the ballclub's newest and best player being insulted by ugly stereotypes and racism should be first on the list.

So...how long will the Cubs and the Tribune remain silent?

--Brett Ballantini

Head Games

Two papers, two reads on Monday's White Sox loss to the Oakland A's:

Daily Herald
A's Smith Outduels Buehrle

Chicago Tribune
Left Spinning Their Wheels

Same game. Different spins.

--The Lone Ranger

Score Bored

On page 15 in the main section of today's Tribune is a column by syndicated columnist Leonard Pitts, who complains about sports sponsorships in stadiums. Pitts focused on the New York Mets and Shea Stadium, with nary a word about Chicago.

So, what photograph do you think was used to illustrate the column?

Shea Stadium? No.
Yankee Stadium? Nope.
Shots of the new Shea Stadium? Sorry.
Artist renderings of the New Yankee Stadium? Get out of here.
The photo of the guy in the hardhat holding up the Ortiz jersey inside new Yankee Stadium? No.

The U.S. Cellular Field center-field scoreboard? Ding-ding-ding-ding, we have a winner!

Now, why do you think the Tribune wouldn't paste a pic of its own team's park, maybe a sweet shot of the newly-emblazoned Wrigley outfield doors, its sponsored bleachers, or even that yellow Chicago Board Options Exchange sign by the bullpen? Any of that would be free advertising, the Tribune's favorite kind for its Cubbies.

Guess it's the Tribune just tossing the White Sox a bone, huh?

Perhaps it's because of the budding firestorm surrounding naming rights for Wrigley Field. Or the fact that Tribune's own architecture writer, Blair Kamin, suggests that Wrigley should lose its landmark status for allowing a CBOE sticker, approximating paint, on an inner wall of the Shrine (bricks besmirched!).

Seems a whole lotta Tribune editors spent a whole lotta time growing up blaming their mistakes on unsuspecting, innocent siblings.

--The Lone Ranger & Brett Ballantini

Vast Depth of Logic

Last night on ChicagoSports.com, White Sox beat writer Mark Gonzales weighed in on what is clearly the most glaring issue tormenting Chicago's first-place team: its lack of outfield depth.

Actually, the article was a sort of bizarre, a let's just focus on the "young" outfield depth of the White Sox, piece. It's the kind of story that is meant to fill space, random or not; Gonzo could (and should) easily have called this, "Checking in with Ryan Sweeney."

Anyway, Gonzo points out that of a young outfield corps that once numbered Sweeney, Jerry Owens, Brian Anderson, and Chris Young (or, in Phil Rogers parlance, ChrisYoungChrisYoung
ChrisYoungChrisYoungChrisYoungChrisYoungChrisYoung
ChrisYoungChrisYoungChrisYoungChrisYoungChrisYoung ChrisYoungomigodChrisYoungisn'tontheSoxanymore), only Anderson is currently on the White Sox roster.

Baseball fans, sabermetricians, bus drivers, statue sculptors, and even politicians put down their newspapers, shake their tiny fists, and cry out: "So what?"

While there's nothing overt about Gonzo's piece, there's an inherent bias in this filler with a "White Sox outfield not so deep anymore" headline. Because in truth, well, yeah, the White Sox outfield is extraordinarily deep. Its cast includes:

• Jermaine Dye, entering Tuesday's action as the 10th-leading hitter in the AL
• Nick Swisher, an on-base monster, instant clubhouse leader, and fan favorite
• Carlos (don't call me Mini Canseco or Baby Bichette) Quentin, he of the home-run swing and mind-boggling arm
• Alexei Ramirez, whose across the body throw from center to second this afternoon left mouths agape
• Pablo Ozuna, like Ramirez a super utilityman with wheels
• Anderson, one-time wunderkind now squeezed for ABs after a terrific spring
• Owens, who's dropped three or four spots on the depth chart simply because everyone else is playing so well

Countless times the Tribune has taken White Sox GM Ken Williams to task over having dealt Young to Arizona for Javy Vazquez (a pitcher the Tribune's so-called baseball expert, Rogers, predicted would be the best in the AL Central this season). Yet not once, even in this early season, has the paper extended kudos to Ken for having acquired Quentin from the Diamondbacks.

Of course, Gonzo recently made mention of the trade, noting that Quentin cost the White Sox their top hitting prospect--you know, single-A first baseman Chris Carter.

Coming soon: A Trib expose on how the Quentin deal gutted the White Sox's minor-league depth at first base. The horror!

--Brett Ballantini & The Lone Ranger

Quote of the Year

It's early, but we have a contender for quote of the year, courtesy of Cubbies beat writer Paul Sullivan, penning yet another of the already-tired Dusty-Baker-returns-to-Chicago stories.

In a hard-hitting piece that compares Dusty to current Cubbies manager Lou Piniella, Sully leads his story with:

Asked the difference between managers Lou Piniella and Dusty Baker, Kerry Wood said they're actually quite similar, pointing to their main character trait."They both hate to lose," he said.

So simple, it's classic.

--Brett Ballantini

A Tale of Two Stories — Biased Stories

Two stories on the front of the Tribune's sports page today, one about a White Sox victory, one about a Cubs victory. In each, the hometown manager makes self-deprecating comments. Here's Ozzie:

"We got Detroit at the right time. Those guys are going to wake up sooner or later because they have unbelievable talent."

And here's Lou:

Before the game, Piniella said the Cubs were "fortunate" to be in a position to end the trip with a winning record "despite the problems we've had in the rotation and with our offense."

The bias shows in the way each reporter responds to those comments. Even though the Cubs have more reason to thank their lucky stars — they won by one run but had two runs gifted to them, one by an umpire and one by a Phillies error — Cubs house organ Paul Sullivan writes, "But the offense was just good enough Sunday." He writes of Jason Marquis pitching in and out of trouble and writes that "Derrek Lee saved the day with a brilliant stop to present the winning run from scoring with two outs in the ninth." When the Cubs are lucky, they're also brilliant, but when the White Sox are lucky enough to allow only five hits in two games and hit two grand slams on the same day, Dave van Dyck can only be skeptical:

"The question is whether this is real or whether it comes from playing Detroit, considering five the Sox's seven victories have come against, surprisingly, the worst team in baseball."

So, the Sox have a winning record (van Dyck neglects to mention that it's the best record in the American League) only because they beat the Tigers five times. But isn't it also true that the Tigers have the worst record in baseball only because they lost to the White Sox five times? Maybe if they played another team they would have won those games, in which case they would be 7-5, not 2-10.

It makes sense for managers to downplay their teams' accomplishments in April, to stay humble for the long haul. When Lou does it, the Tribune contradicts him. When Ozzie does it, the Tribune piles on.

-- Jeff McMahon

Dr. Phil's Issues With Honesty

You might recall late last season, when Tribune "baseball expert" Phil Rogers apparently fabricated a story about White Sox GM Ken Williams refusing the Diamondbacks' request of CF Brian Anderson in return for Javier Vazquez, instead steering Arizona toward CF Chris Young. As we know, Young has blossomed into a star for the Diamondbacks while Anderson failed as a starter and had forgettable 2006 and 2007 seasons.

What made Rogers' unsupported assertion even more curious was that he cited no sources in his story, and a day or so later Arizona's assistant GM at the time was on record claiming Young was Arizona's primary, if not only, target in the trade. The timing was also suspect: Dr. Phil's "insight" came on the heels of Young spearheading a sweep of the Cubbies in the NLDS. Of course, the Tribune staff to a man predicted the Cubbies would advance to the LCS, and it seems the only way to salve the wounds of being so wrong all the time is to concoct a story that makes the GM on the other side of town look foolish. Apparently, 70 wins for the White Sox wasn't humiliation enough.

Recently, the popular baseball site MLB Trade Rumors opted to include the Rogers link, straight-faced, in a report about Young's contract extension with Arizona. (The sentence including the link reads: "Certainly Kenny Williams wishes he'd sent Brian Anderson to Arizona for Javier Vazquez instead, but the deal has still benefited both clubs." Rogers can't even be that kind.)

There's no obvious fiction involved today, but Dr. Phil sure has it in for Williams. In the category of "beating a dead horse" comes today's item:

"Young Piece to Build Around
Diamondbacks love former Sox farmhand

Javier Vazquez has replaced Mark Buehrle as the best pitcher on the White Sox staff. But the trade for Vazquez hasn't been a good one for the Sox, who lost 24-year-old center fielder Chris Young in the deal.

The Diamondbacks don't believe there was anything fluky about Young's 32-homer, 27-stolen base rookie season. They have signed him to a five-year, $28 million contract extension that makes him one of the faces of their franchise.

[Obligatory quote from Arizona general manager Josh Byrnes about how awesome Young is.]

The Sox were willing to trade Young because they were loaded with outfield prospects at the time. He played alongside Ryan Sweeney and Jerry Owens in Double A and Brian Anderson was one rung ahead of that trio. Young had the highest ceiling of the four, but Williams thought he was expendable.

Ouch."

And, in case you weren't sure how the Tribune was leaning on this one, three photos illustrate this afterthought of a piece. One is of Young, with the caption "Chris Young, whom the Sox traded to the Diamondbacks, has blossomed as Arizona's leadoff man." The other two, of Jerry Owens, and Anderson, have a shared caption: "White Sox GM Ken Williams believed that Jerry Owens and Brian Anderson were more major-league ready than Chris Young."

What's next, a Dr. Phil item mocking former Sox GM Larry Himes for dealing Sammy Sosa for George Bell?

All this would be fair game, even coming some two full seasons after the trade was made, if the Vazquez-Young trade was some sort of what-was-he-thinking? steal. But it's not even close to that.

Heading into today's start, Vazquez has gone 27-21 in his White Sox career. He has three complete games, 431.3 IP, 415 H, 111 BB, 411 K, a 4.30 ERA, and a 1.22 WHIP. In Vazquez's first full season with the White Sox, when he admittedly stumbled start after start, his ERA was still only 0.10 worse than the AL average. Last year, Vazquez's ERA was 1.00 better than average. At 31, he's still enjoying prime years at a fair market price of $12.5 million a year--a contract Williams didn't have the good fortune of inheriting from another GM, but extended himself. Vazquez's statistical twin is Brad Radke, and among the 10 most similar pitchers to Vazquez is Richard Dotson. Short of Young blossoming into Willie Mays, White Sox fans will take it.

Young has played one full season in the majors, and his future is certainly bright. His 32 HR, 68 RBI, and 27 SB from the leadoff spot were good enough to place him fourth in NL Rookie of the Year voting, but he also had some numbers that weren't exactly ideal: 43 BB and 141 K (nearly one K per game), a .295 on-base percentage, .237 average, and an OPS+ of 89 (the average NL player rates 100). His B+ Runs (-13) and BtWins (-1.2), measures of an individual's batting value compared with the rest of the league, were also below average.

It may be better to contrast Vazquez with the ace across town, the Cubbies' potassium-deprived, $18 million man, Carlos Zambrano. Z is 35-21 with 1 CG, 450 IP, 368 H, 218 BB, 405 K, a 3.60 ERA, and a 1.30 WHIP. Zambrano's most frequent comp? Ramon Martinez.

So, Zambrano has measurably more wins, a better ERA (even adjusted for being in the NL), and more mound meltdowns and locker-room brawls than Javy. Vazquez lets fewer batters reach base and strikes out more hitters than Z. You'd give Z the edge, although last year Vazquez blew him away. Is it a $5-6 million per year salary edge? Probably not. Call it a wash.

Imagine if the Cubbies traded a bright prospect--it should be too hard, they've done it countless times. In return, they received a starter who didn't miss turns and would become their best pitcher in a year or less. A Zambrano. A Vazquez. Do you figure some bumpkin baseball writer, two years down the line, would still be shedding a tiny tear over how terrible the trade was?

Look at how Rogers' piece opens: The White Sox acquired their ace, but the deal "hasn't been a good one." How is that possible? Rogers chides Williams for picking the wrong player to trade, although the Sox "were loaded with prospects at the time." Isn't this the very reason you trade a prospect, because you have a bunch? Even if you have no proven outfielders--and the White Sox did--prospects are just that, prospects. They are chips you use to acquire real major leaguers, and if too many of the prospects you trade become real major leaguers, you're in the unemployment line.

Rogers, then, could point out that Young is the first prospect Williams has dealt who is coming close to, if you want to be dramatic about a trade where your get an ace in return, "haunting" him. It's also important to keep in mind that we're talking about only one season's worth of spooking. But for Dr. Phil to do that would gut all his future criticisms of the Sox GM, ones that have come as recently as this offseason, when the White Sox "gutted their farm system" to acquire Nick Swisher. The same Nick Swisher who's now heralded for spearheading the resurgence on the South Side for the first-place White Sox.

The value of HRs and Ks and OBP and "attitude" can be debated until Phil Rogers is finally pushed out of the Tower with his golden parachute, but Swisher is a perfect representation of the player Williams needed on the 2008 White Sox (high-OBP slugger, flexible fielder, great attitude and leadership, reasonable pricetag). None of the players Williams supposedly missed on, including Aaron Rowand, Torii Hunter, and yes, Young, are. Yes, anyone could use 30 dingers out of your leadoff hitter and CF--that's why Swish is roaming out there on the South Side these days.

Dishonest, disingenuous, whoops-how'd-that-get-printed-again journalism has become the norm at the Tribune. Someone there ought to try to stem the tide. That would be Pulitzer-worthy.

--Brett Ballantini

Thanks to Baseball-Reference.com for the statistical support.

POSTSCRIPT: Vazquez started the game after this morning's post, going seven shutout innings, with five hits, nine strikeouts, and no walks in an 11-0 win over the Tigers. Thanks for the effort, Javy!

...and the Flintstones

The next phase of the bizarre Fred Mitchell/Ernie Banks tag-team rehabilitation effort on behalf of Sammy Sosa continues Thursday in the Tribune. The dueling apologists' most glaring remarks begin with this gem from Fast Freddie:

"Although Sosa is the only major-league player to hit 60 or more homers in three seasons, his use of a corked bat, his early departure from Wrigley Field during the final game of the Cubs' disappointing 2004 season and other self-centered acts caused the same fans who once cheered his every move to turn on him."

Well, yeah, all those things and the fact that Sosa's head grew to twice its size, literally and figuratively, during those 60-home run seasons.

But it's not as if Fast Freddie doesn't acknowledge Sosa's dirty dance with those Flintstones vitamins:

"There also are unsubstantiated rumors of steroid use that have chipped away at Sosa's status."

Chased by more bizarre apologizing from Mr. Cub:

"It is unfortunate that it turned out that way," Banks said. "Sammy did a lot for the city and he did a lot for the game. There was not a celebration or a big ending to his career. He's just kind of walking away quietly and nobody is recognizing him."

There's something especially sad about the true heroes of baseball sympathizing with the cheaters. What's next, Hank Aaron lobbying for the Braves to sign Barry Bonds?

Finally, Fast Freddie draws an insipid parallel between the redemption of a generally admired figure who was tragically castigated in "Red Sox Nation" for a World Series error and Sosa, a known and proven cheater:

"There is precedent for fence-mending in baseball. Bill Buckner, a figure of scorn in New England since his costly error on Mookie Wilson's roller in Game 6 of the 1986 World Series, was invited back to Fenway Park for a ceremonial first pitch before Tuesday's home opener with Detroit, and Red Sox fans greeted him with a prolonged ovation."

Yep, the guy who poked out 2,715 career hits, many on one, non-Flintstones-aided leg, is a direct parallel to the fella whose lasting contribution to the game was the homer hop.

--Brett Ballantini

Take My Manager...Please

In today's edition, Fred Mitchell reports that White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen missed Joe Crede's eventual game-winning grand slam in the 7th inning because he was busy sending a message to major league baseball. Jeez, the guy gets the quick thumb from umpire Phil Cuzzi and he's off in the clubhouse, playing Sims, downloading reggaeton, and exchanging IMs with Bud Selig?

Whoops. Seems Fast Freddie was a little too quick to type the ### on this item. Let's turn to the master of the one-sentence paragraph, the Bright One's answer to Mike Downey, Rick Telander:

So where was Ozzie when Joe Crede launched a dramatic grand slam over the left-field fence in the seventh inning to give the Sox a come-from-behind 7-4 win over the visiting Minnesota Twins?

''On the computer,'' he said afterward. ''That's where I was, sending a text message to Major League Baseball.''

No, no, no.

He was just kidding.

''I was watching the game,'' he corrected. ''We have so many TVs in the clubhouse.''

(Apologies for the excessive one-sentence paragraphs. It's a Rick Telander space-eating thing, see.)

One thing's for sure: Don't joke with Fast Freddie. By the time you clarify, he's already at the postgame spread.

--Keith Makenas